Shock Top Belgian White

Shock Top Belgian White
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 31% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shocktopbeer.com
Best for: Hot dog day
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know about you guys but when I was a little kid we had "hot dog days" at school where you could buy a hot dog for a dollar for lunch over lunch-hour. They were served in the school gym. That smell of cheap ass chicken wieners and gym floor haunts my soul to this day. What they served with this feast was some watery "orange drink" served from big yellow and red coolers with the McDonald's logo on it. That tasteless "orange drink" showed up at most school events in the gym, science fairs, choir concerts, track and field days, and so on. That sick watery orange flavour (as imprinted on my brain as gym sweat and processed chicken) is this beer. Yum. Drink up.

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Beer #514 of 3,652

Kasteel Rouge

Kasteel Rouge
Type of beer: Fruit Ale
Container Type: 330 mL bottleE
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.vanhonsebrouck.be/
Best for: Krieking one out
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know if I'm being a snobbish dick, or, conversely, a dickish snob, but European fruit beers taste better. This one is simply cherries galore. The taste of cherry satisfies me because when I was a little kid and me and my little brother went to the doctor they would give us a sucker when we were done. Since he was "smaller" he always got to pick one first. He always took the last red one (cherry). I got what was left... let's see... yellow, green, orange... these... they... they're all fucking citrus!! This jealousy brought me to beat my brother mercilessly for many, many years. But, no, we had fun.

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Beer #510 of 3,652

Shiner Ruby Redbird

Shiner Ruby Redbird
Type of beer: Fruit Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.01%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: Getting real
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 9/10

Handwritten notes: I read the label and chuckled "Beer brewed with Texas Ruby Red Grapefruit juice and ginger". Why the fuck not?? Why not throw some grapefruit in there? Ah... then I tried it. Remember, dear friends, that the new Bard rules this realm. The mix of grapefruit (not IPA grapefruit but a muskier, more genuine grapefruit) plus ginger = shockingly refreshing. God help me, I like this. When I think of the man I was, even yesterday, I want to slap his face. Pompous cunt. Shut up and drink your beer, you jive turkey!!

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Beer #483 of 3,652

Samuel Adams Blackberry Witbier

Samuel Adams Blackberry Witbier
Type of beer: White beer
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 33% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.samueladams.com/
Best for: pruning petunias
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Ironically I have a cold and this tastes like Ny-Quil. Blackberry white. I get it. Was this all for a bit? Was this all in pursuit of some lame joke? This is a sparkly, fruity fellow, mincing around my palate rearranging my furniture and insulting my wardrobe. Heavens to murgatroid!

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Beer #476 of 3,652

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Goblet
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: losing it
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Listen you... listen you screwheads: here is a man who would not take it anymore. Fuck not liking fruit beers. Fuck hating anything Anheuser Busch makes. Fuck it all. This tastes like one of those fruity wines but the only difference is that this beer has a hidden grainy strength that makes you step back and say "oh. that ain't bad". Far, far above putting fruit flavouring in a wheatie and calling it novel. I wish all fruit beer were like this. Listen, we need to talk. I know you're used to me not liking fruit beers and mega companies. I know. But... things change, people change. What? Well, frig you then. One day a real fruit beer rain will come and wash all the trash off the sidewalk.

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Beer #473 of 3,652

Russell Lemon Ale

Russell Lemon Ale
Type of beer: Fruit Ale
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 4th (today)
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.russellbeer.ca/
Best for: pouting
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I've had a lot of fruit beers. This one is exactly as expected. It calls itself a "Wheat Ale" but I don't know about that. Tastes very fresh and light, and honey-lemony. It was a warm as fuck day today and they were giving samples of this away at the vendor. By "they" I mean a pathetically persistent middle-aged man watching hoser after hoser buy cases of Labatt Blue. He told me "it just came in yesterday!" I thought, what the hell? It's actually a yard and a half better than macro crap I could be drinking right now. Plus those dudes giving samples at the vendor are always so grateful when you buy the product. I want that guy to be tucking himself into bed tonight and saying "today was a good day". Here I go, on a fruit beer kick. Heraclitus, you were right, all things are in flux, including my taste buds. Too bad you had to have "clit" right there in he middle of your name.

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Beer #472 of 3,652

Abita Purple Haze

Abita Purple Haze
Type of beer: Hefe-Weizen
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 40% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: glass
website: www.abita.com
Best for: sleeping late
Ratings:
Taste: 6/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: 'scuse me while I drink this guy!! I do love raspberries in real life and I have an equal "dis-love" for fruit beers. Are these for girls? I don't get the market. Anyhoo, I was wondering what the heck purple has to do with raspberry. However, the raspberry taste is quite faint and (I can't believe I'm saying this) actually tastes purple. One time in my first year of University I was in a class called "enjoyment of music" and the teacher would play a record (yes, an actual LP) then, at the end of the song ask the class if they had any "colour sensations" listening to it. How the fuck does Bach sound orange? I quit the class after 2 weeks, as I did not begin smoking marijuana until a year later. Even so.

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Beer #466 of 3,652

Great Lakes Orange Peel Ale

Great Lakes Orange Peel Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.30 %
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 71% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.greatlakesbeer.com/
Best for: Facing the truth
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Whaaaaaaa?? This beer may have been in my fridge longer than any beer before, or any after it. Each time I looked at it I felt dread, knowing that one day I would have to open and ingest it. The image of some sickly sweet Terry's Chocolate orange from hell kept entering my mind. But, dad-gum it if it's not one of the best damn fruit beers I've ever had. It has a noticeably bitter bite with a present, but not oppressive hint of mandarin oranges. Honestly, a lot of IPAs taste more like fruit than this does. It actually works. The lesson is: never put off until tomorrow what you can drink today.

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Beer #454 of 3,652

Bard's Beer

Heaven help all of you who have the time and/or patience to watch this video review of Bard's Beer. Tasted October 20, 2009.
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Beer #357 of 3,652

Minhas Lime

Minhas Lime
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 1% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 11/1/09
Colours of label: Grey/Green/Red

Drank From: Wee glass
Label Reads: "Light beer with added lime flavours"
website: www.damngoodbeer.ca
Best for: planning a mass murder
Ratings:
Taste: 0/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10
Handwritten notes: 1 point because I gave fucking Bud Light Lime one point. To be human is to quest for knowledge. I hope to one day understand quantum physics better than I already do. But I do not, ever, want to understand what stupid fucking G.D. moron thought lime beer was a good idea, nor do I ever want to understand what goes through the mind of a sonofabitch rat bastard who buys lime beer. Ignorance is bliss, boys, ignorance is bliss.
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Beer #348 of 3,652

Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat

Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat
Type of beer: Wheat Ale
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 21% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 10/27/09
Colours of label: Red/Yellow/Brown

Drank From: Margarita Glass
Label Reads: "Celebrating a centuries old American tradition of brewing with native ingredients, Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat combines Michigan cherries with a generous portions of wheat malt to produce a bright, lively ale with a crisp finish. Cheers!"

website: www.samadams.com
Best for: Playing second base
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 4/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10
Handwritten notes: Ugh. Any of you who have had Skoal Cherry will know exactly what this beer tastes like. I'm not saying I haven't had my fair share of vitamin "S". I was a ballplayer, in my leaner and younger days. In a weird way this beer also tastes like Cherry Chapstick. You know how it smells good, then you wipe some on your lips and can't help but taste it? Then when you do it's just flavourless wax? That's this beer.

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Beer #336 of 3,652

Great Lakes Brewery Pumpkin Ale

Great Lakes Brewery Pumpkin Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.5%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $6.75
Tasted on: 9/17/09
Colours of label: White/Orange
Drank From: Bears

Label Reads: "Beer brewed with pumpkin and spices", "In our pursuit to bring you the most flavourful and unique beers possible, we are proud to release this tasty autumn ale. Handcrafted with an assortment of specialty malts and hops, we added a generous amount of pumpkin directly into the brew. Combine this with hints of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg and allspice, and you’ve got a beer that you won’t soon forget. Rich, satisfying and slightly spicy, our seasonal ale goes perfectly with your favourite dessert or traditional feast. But like fall, Pumpkin Ale comes but once a year!".

website: www.greatlakesbeer.com
Best for: Going door-to-door begging for food
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: I hear a lot of people talk about Pumpkin beers, and I've never laid lips on one, so I was hyped to see this puppy wrapped in orange foil at the LC. It's not really what I expected, though. I expected to have a mouthful of pumpkin pie. (Should Unibroue have made this beer, I certainly would have had just that). Instead this is a consummate weiss with a sour sort of genuine pumpkin taste, and a hint of clove. Autumnal as hell, which is fine by me. How come Autumn is the only season that has two names? It's Autumn and fall. That's right, I gots me some thinkins.

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Beer #301 of 3,652

Lost Coast Tangerine

Lost Coast Tangerine
Type of beer: Heffe Weizen
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 27% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $6.50
Tasted on: 9/13/09
Colours of label: Orange/Black/Etc.

Drank From: Bears '09 Baby!
Label Reads: "A crisp citrus beer with a Hint of Tangerine"
website: www.lostcoast.com/
Best for: hailing from in or around Worth, Illinois
Ratings:
Taste: 6/20
Flavour: 4/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10
Handwritten notes: I sipped this beer and had a revelation on life. Hear me out. I sipped it, and said to the wife: "this tastes like Tang". Then my brain started to work. It was like a slow-motion old 1950s comedy show. Tang. Tangerine. Is the drink "Tang" is named after "Tangerine"?? For all of these years... wha... here I am 31 years, 8 months into my life and just realizing that "Tang" stands for "Tangerine"??? Good fucking gracious. But it's true folks, and if I've spared you a little embarrassment, then mission accomplished. However, this beer tastes like the watered down old Tang you used to get from a big Orange cooler in your school gymnasium. Not s'good.
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Beer #299 of 3,652

Floris Ninkeberry

Floris Ninkeberry
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 3.5%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $4.50
Tasted on: 8/27/09
Colours of label: Yellow/Orange/Blue
Drank From: Glass
Label Reads: "Fruitbeer based on wheatbeer"
website: n/a
Best for: Throwing out old umbrellas
Ratings:
Taste: 8/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 2/10
Handwritten notes: Is this beer? Fruit beers will be the death of me. It's kind of like asking someone to judge a quality rum by pouring them a shot of rum and Coke. I'm not sure what a Ninkeberry is but I'm quite sure that no self-respecting trash collector would drink this.
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Beer #288 of 3,652

Bud Light Lime

Bud Light Lime
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.0%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 1% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.85
Tasted on: 8/24/09
Colours of label: Green/Silver
Drank From: Glass
Label Reads: "Light beer with natural lime flavour"
website: www.budlight.com
Best for: going wild
Ratings:
Taste: 0/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: 1 point for mockability. You may be asking yourself what the hell a Yo-Yo, an unopened lock, a tin of Carmex, an expired condom, a matchbox car, a White Owl Slim 'N Mild, a wooden elephant, a picture of me in grade 5, a zippo lighter, and 5 cents in Canadian tire money have to do with Bud Light Lime. To which I say: what the hell does Bud Light Lime have to do with beer? The answer is the same. Yes I tried it, and no I do NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

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Beer #284 of 3,652

Früli

Früli
Type of beer: White Beer
Container Type: 250 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.1%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 52% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $3.65
Tasted on: 7/26/09
Colours of label: White/Red/Gold
Drank From: Tulip Glass

Label Reads: "Strawberry Beer", ""Premium Belgian White Fruit Beer", "High quality Belgian white beer brewed with pure fruit juice."

website: www.fruli.com
Best for: If you are pregnant or nursing
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 9/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: One time some anonymous commenter on this blog didn't like the way I dealt with Leinenkugel's Berry Weiss. He or she (or it) went so far as to call me me a dumba**. First of all, fuck that. Second of all, I'm not a fan of fruit beers. This tastes like very good fruit juice. But I don't drink fruit juice. I don't even much like fruit. I'm not much for political ideologies either, but I tell you this: I could care less if you are a transvestite, if you are a member of the "Mad About You" fan club, or if you pour Leinie Berry all over your spouse's genitals to become aroused. Good for you and "good on ya" for doing so, if it makes you happy. To each his or her own. I do not like fruit beers.

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Beer #241 of 3,652

Schofferhofer Grapefruit

Schofferhofer Grapefruit
Type of beer: Heffe-Weizen
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 2.5%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 42% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $2.75
Tasted on: 7/13/09
Colours of label: Orange/Silver/Black
Drank From: fruity glass
Label Reads: "Hefeweizen - Mix"
website: www.schoefferhofer.de
Best for: being heart-smart
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 9/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I'm not sure I'm a big fan of this fruit beer business. I'm a sot, not a flippin' green grocer. This tastes like grapefruit juice. Any beer flavour is beaten down with a billy-club on the side of the road after a routine traffic stop. If you like grapefruit juice, you'll like this beer. If you are like me and you like beer, you might want to just go drink gasoline or mouthwash instead.

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Beer #219 of 3,652

Russell Cactus Lime Lager

Russell Cactus Lime Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 341 mL
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 13% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $2.00
Tasted on: 6/30/09
Colours of label: Green/Silver/White
Drank From: mug
Label Reads: "Lime flavoured beer"
website: www.russellbeer.ca/index.asp
Best for: buying "Guess Jeans"
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Have you ever had lime Perrier? Well, you've had this bullshit beer too then. Please remove your children from the room... are they gone? Good. Fuck beer fads!! Fuck them all the way to fucking hell. If I have to hear one more fucking douchebag retard ask the vendor worker "you got any Bud Light Lime?" and then hear "nope, we're all sold out", I will fucking scream. Fuck this. Beer has been around for thousands of years, and we're trying to put new spins on it. FUCK! I saw that even Big Rock has come out with one. Ugh. That's like being ratted out to the cops by your own mother. Folks, in real life I do have high blood pressure and it's because of crap like this. Happy 200, Bard. I got you a nice present. Oh, I wonder what it is... let's see here... oh... lime flavoured beer. Well... thanks.

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Beer #200 of 3,652

Budweiser Chelada

Budweiser Chelada
Type of beer: Lager with crap in it
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 50% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.75
Tasted on: 5/25/09
Colours of label: Red/Silver/Yellow
Drank From: can

Label Reads: "With salt and lime. The perfect combination", "Budweiser beer with natural flavor and certified color", "Enjoy the best of two worlds: a refreshing Budweiser and the unique flavor of Clamato. Drink a Red One, ready to go, or use your favorite ingredients to make it yours - whatever, whenever!"

website: www.anheuser-busch.com
Best for: getting your 5 to 10
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Not sure how to proceed, I've given this half marks on every count. I've read some dumb reviews that actually took this beverage seriously, using the same descriptors as you would for a real beer. It is not quite beer. One review actually said it tasted like blood. Well, yeah, there's clam blood in it, genius. I'm conflicted. I love Clamato juice almost as much as I love beer. I would drink it out of the toilet. In Canada Clamato is huge. If you walk into a grocery store, you know those little aisle descriptors hanging from the ceiling? They say like "cookies. crackers. breakfast cereal". In my town in the supermarket there is one that reads "juice. pickles. Clamato". I was raised to love this shit and we would actually have it at our house growing up on special occasions. Half beer and half Clamato is called a "red eye". It's the best use for a crap beer you couldn't otherwise stomach. Like Budweiser. This is the best Budweiser product I have ever had.

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Beer #179 of 3,652

Leinenkugel's Berry Weiss

Leinenkugel's Berry Weiss
Type of beer: Heffe-Weizen
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol volume: 4.7%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 30% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $0.90
Tasted on: 5/26/09
Colours of label: Purple/Gold/Blue
Drank From: glass

Label Reads: "Beer brewed with honey and flavored with blackberry juice and other natural berry flavors", "Brewed with pride by the Leinenkugel family since 1867", "The pride of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin since 1867", "Carefully brewed by the Leinenkugel family"

website: www.leinie.com
Best for: stoppin' them shakes
Ratings:
Taste: 6/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: when I was in my early to mid twenties I would sometimes over-do the beer thing, usually with one or several of my brothers. Sometimes my old lady would try to join us, and she would have half a bottle of Arbor Mist (gross girly sparkling wine). That, being enough for a reasonable person, would be it for her, and she would go to bed. I would stay awake until my eyes forced themselves shut against my will. More times than I can remember I would stumble out in the middle of the night (or mid-morning, as it would be by then), open the fridge, and take a swing out of this leftover half-bottle of this Arbor Mist garbage, with all of the beer having been shotgunned or lost the previous night in a game of caps. That is what Leinie Berry tastes like. The sickening smack of beer on your lips, and the sickening pong of berry in your nose and throat. Prosit!

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Beer #159 of 3,652