Old Milwaukee Light

Old Milwaukee Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 12 oz can
Alcohol by volume: 3.88%
Country of origin: United
Rating: 15% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6th
Drank From: Affy Glass
website: www.oldmilwaukee.com/
Best for: Shirtless Sundays
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 4/10
Handwritten notes: Ladies and gentlemen, the genius of Mr. John Prine:

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Beer #526 of 3,652

Lucky Light

Lucky Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 2% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 23 (I bought a 2-4 and reviewed the last one)
Drank From: Cham-pizzane glass
website: http://www.labatt.com/
Best for: Cutting your toenails
Ratings:
Taste: 0/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! This beer is a living joke. It's like if you invited Pauly Shore or Weird Al Yankovic to your Thanksgiving dinner. What are you going to do, discuss politics with them? Fuck no, dance for me, clown! Similarly, this beer is simply the liquid punchline to: "what's worse than Lucky Lager?"

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Beer #492 of 3,652

Beck's Dark

Beck's Dark
Type of beer: Dark Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 59% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass that reads "Jennifer 1992"
website: http://www.becksbeer.com
Best for: dunkin' oreos
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10

Intangible: 8/10
Handwritten notes: I was hesitant to try this (not available in Manitoba, bought in the US) for justified reasons. What is this beer trying to prove? This is Beck's (original). There is nothing tangibly different in the taste, flavour, or texture of this beer than original Beck's. Quite disappointing, but overall this beer teaches us all a very valuable lesson. As human beings, our shades may be different, but on the inside we are all the same. We are all German skunk-stink beers that I used to think were the bees knees. Got it? Good.

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Beer #482 of 3,652

Shiner Smokehaus

Shiner Smokehaus
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.89%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 66% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: Putting on the Ritz
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Wow, that's unique. The beer is sort of like a bock, and then, just when you say "where dis smoke at?" it hits you, a punch of hickory. I was afraid of a beer that tastes like when I smoke meat... a pervasive smokiness that sticks to your soul and you wake up at 3:00 a.m. smelling it. Nope, not this. It's there, but it's in its place. Nice.

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Beer #479 of 3,652

Molson M

Molson M
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 6% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.molsoncoorscanada.com/
Best for: Imitating Don Rickles
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 0/10

Handwritten notes: Molson "M"! First off, fuck the minimalist 1980's name. "M". Molson "M"! Sounds like some hogshit restaurant where you can't wear track pants. Molson "M"! This beer is like the narc pretending to be a high school student. Get off it, buddy. Molson "M"! How tres chique! I'm going to sip it out of a champagne glass in a heart shaped hot tub snorting coke wearing shutter shades and watching "In Living Color". Molson "M"! Micro carbonated? Wha... why? I actually heard hype about this beer and for half a week there I believed that Molson "got it". Wrong! But the bubbles are smaller. Perfect! I couldn't handle them big bubbles in Molson Dry. Molson "M"!

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Beer #475 of 3,652

Sagres Bohemia

Sagres Bohemia
Type of beer: Dark Lager
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.2%
Country of origin: Portugal
Rating: 47% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.centralcervejas.pt/
Best for: Liking the wrong things
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 4/10

Handwritten notes: Strangely, grossly this tastes like "Boh" (a different beer, review to follow). This is a sort of Canadian type beer with only a caramelly "Alley Kat" like flavour to keep it from the perilous depths of obscurity. What good ever came from Portugal? The only thing I know about Portuguese people is that they are fiercely patriotic. So much so that if I said "Portugal sucks, fuckers" they would hunt me down and eat my blood. Even so, this beer ain't so good. So come get me, Portuguese.

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Beer #440 of 3,652

Leinenkugel Creamy Dark

Leinenkugel Creamy Dark
Type of beer: Dark Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle

Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 55% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.15
Tasted on: 10/29/09
Colours of label: Green/Yellow/Red
Drank From: Mug
Label Reads: "Lager with a unique blend of barley malts, cluster, cascade and Mt. Hood hops." "Brewed with pride by the Leinenkugel family since 1867", "Carefully brewed by the Leinenkugel family for five generations", "The pride of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin since 1867".

website: www.leinie.com

Best for: listening to "Ebony and Ivory"
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10
Handwritten notes: Dark? Yes. Creamy? Perhaps. This is a coffee-like creamy lager, good for a Wednesday night. I'm sitting here, trying my best not to slander Leinekenkugel. I'm waiting for a bold flavour in one of their beers. But, instead it's like: "oh, the flavour is not bold because it's creamy". C'mon guys, W.W.J.D.? (What would Jacob (Leinenkugel) do?).
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Beer #341 of 3,652

Waterloo Dark

Waterloo Dark
Type of beer: Dark Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 65% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $2.00
Tasted on: 8/23/09
Colours of label: Tan/Black
Drank From: GW Glass
Label Reads: "Thank you for supporting a craft brewery"
website: www.ontariocraftbrewers.com
Best for: Beatin' the livin' piss out of "Piggy".
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a surprisingly light and bright dark beer without a metallic aftertaste. This leads me to believe that it is a dark lager. Correct me if I'm wrong, beer nerds. The light flavour kind of gives this beer a soda-like consistency . If I would taste it blindfolded I would swear it was red in colour. I'm not sure about the wild boar on the can, though. What I'm even less sure about is what happened at Waterloo. Sadly, the extent of my knowledge as to that historical event is contained in the ABBA song of the same name. The most brilliant thing I ever heard about ABBA came quite innocently from my old lady. She said "I can't stand ABBA, their songs are too catchy". And that single line saved our marriage. "Too catchy". Genius.

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Beer #285 of 3,652

Samuel Adams Black Lager

Samuel Adams Black Lager
Type of beer: Dark Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol volume: 4.9%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 68% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $0.90
Tasted on: 6/1/09
Colours of label: Yellow/Black
Drank From: Nonic Glass

Label Reads: "This traditional lager is medium in body with a deep roasted character. Its dark color and rich malty flavor come form specially roasted caramel and chocolate malts. The brew is lightly hopped with Bavarian Noble hops for a soft spiciness and a smooth clean finish. Cheers!"

website: www.samueladams.com
Best for: tarring the roof
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a dark beer I can deal with. Not a straight-up coffee flavoured badass begging you to take the first swing. Yes, there are coffee notes in there somewheres, but subdued and much more lager like. A pleasant surprise.

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Beer #167 of 3,652

Schell's Dark

Schell's Dark
Type of beer: Dark Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol volume: 4.8%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.10 (USD)
Tasted on: 5/22/09
Colours of label: Brown/Orange/Blue
Drank From: Mug

Label Reads: "Back in the 1860's our founder, August Schell, harvested chunks of ice from the Cottonwood River in New Ulm, Minnesota and stored them in nearby caverns to make his own natural refrigerators. We may not need the ice and the caverns to keep our beer cold anymore, but six generations later as the second-oldest family-owned brewery in the U.S. we maintain August's ingenuity to ensure that you hold a great beer in your hot hand. Quality is ageless. Enjoy your Schell's Dark. Prosit!"

website: www.schellsbrewery.com
Best for: reading fairy tales
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Not necessarily a dark beer. If it is, I'll be a Dunkel's Uncle (ugh I make myself sick)... very smooth and surprisingly nice flavour... fruity, roasted malt flavour.... This is an American beer that tastes good, but is not stupidly over-flavoured... I likes it... that is how a good roasted beer should taste. I dig that story about Auggie too.

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Beer #154 of 3,652

Erdinger Dunkel

Erdinger Dunkel
Type: Dunkel (Dark Lager)
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol volume: 5.6%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 76% (see below)
Number of times I've had this type: 1st
Cost: $3.75
Tasted on: 4/10/09
Colours of label: Black/Gold/Red
Drank From: muggly
Label Reads: "Erdinger Dunkel owes its full-bodied flavour to the fine hops and dark malt used in its brewing. This dark beer specialty is brewed based on an age-old recipe according to the Bavarian Purity Law of 1516. Like all ERDINGER wheat beers, this dark variety acquires its perfect balance from bottle fermentation."
website: www.erdinger.com/
Best for: when the in-laws drop by
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 9/10

Handwritten notes: Fresh tasting Dunkel... this is the definition of a Dunkel, with characteristics of a hoppier lager and the complexity of a darker beer... the weirdest thing, a milk chocolaty colour while pouring, becoming dark when settled... fruity palate... nice and spring-like, a lively head.

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Beer #80 of 3,652

Brooklyn Lager

Brooklyn Lager
Type: Dark Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol volume: 5.2%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 77% (see below)
Number of times I've had this type: 1st
Cost: $2.30
Tasted on: 4/11/09
Colours of label: Black/Green/White
Drank From: glass
Label Reads: "Amber gold, with a malty body and floral hop character. Brooklyn Lager is a revival of Brooklyn's pre-prohibition all malt beers. This is the brewery's first and best selling beer. Brooklyn Lager is brewed only with malted barley, hops, water, and yeast, and will taste best before the freshness date indicated. Please write us or visit the brewery Saturdays noon to 5 p.m."
website: www.brooklynbrewery.com

Best for: Watching baseball
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10
Handwritten notes: I tasted this immediately following the Tankhouse Ale and the similarities are striking, despite the fact that one is an Ale, and one is a lager. It makes me wonder if there is some ideal flavour they are all copying. They both taste like Sam Adams, come to think of it. This has flavour to the tits... smells American... very malty... there is something artificial about it, but that is not to detract from its goodness. This has been classified as a "dark lager" by me. The taste is that of a dark lager, though it may not appear to classically fit into the mould. But I call the shots 'round here, dickwad, so fall in line or hit the bricks. Let's keep the Lagers in Brooklyn!
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Beer #73 of 3,652

Warsteiner Dunkel

Warsteiner Dunkel
Type: Dark Lager
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol volume: 4.8%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 76% (see below)
Number of times I've had this type: 2nd
Cost: $2.95
Tasted on: 4/10/09
Colours of label: Brown/Gold/White
Drank From: glass (not pictured)
Label Reads: "Imported from Germany"

website: www.warsteiner.com
Best for: pipe smoking
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 6/10
Handwritten notes: I personally prefer pale lagers over dunkels (usually)... but this is a good dunkel, more in line with a lager than another dark beer... sweet and deep flavour, with nice touches of hops and other sharper flavours.
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Beer #69 of 3,652

Baron

Baron
Type: Dark Lager
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol volume: 4.7%
Country of origin: Czech Republic
Rating: 66% (see below)
Number of times I've had this type: first
Cost: $3.60
Tasted on: 4/1/09
Colours of bottle: Maroon, Gold, White
Drank From: Bottle
Label Reads: "Product of Vysoky Chlumec, Czech Republic"
website: http://www.czechbeer.com/lobkowicz.htm
Best for: Unproductive days
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Intangible: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Handwritten notes: Smoky, but not "Mexican Smoky"... coffee taste... kind of like an old coffee cup flavour... not very refreshing or outstanding.
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Beer #56 of 3,652

Negra Modelo

Negra Modelo
Type: dark lager
Container Type: 325 mL bottle
Alcohol volume: 5.3%
Country of origin: Mexico
Rating: 72% (see below)
Number of times I've had this type: first
Cost: $2.60
Tasted on: 3/27/09
Colours of bottle: Gold/Yellow/Black
Drank From: deceptively large glass
Label Reads: "La Crema De La Cerveza"
website: http://www.negramodelo.ca/
Best for: Christmas Eve
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 810
Intangible: 7/10
Complexity 8/10
Handwritten notes: Spicy ale-like... fruity... pineapple/banana (some tropical shit)... thank goodness after those last two terrible Mexican beers I don't have to condemn the whole country.
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Beer #39 of 3,652