Maccabee Lager Beer

Maccabee Lager Beer
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Israel
Rating: 23% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.tempo.co.il
Best for: being out of your element
Ratings:
Taste: 5/20
Flavour: 5/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This is nearly flavourless, even more so than an American macro light. Only a lingering sour tinge of honey saves it from being vomited off my balcony in disgust. Have I lost my sense of taste from gratuitous tobacco use? Nah, the IPA I just had was boss. This beer is just "there" like the Kool-Aid your friend's mom watered down to "cut back on the sugar". Get real.

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Beer #543 of 3,652

Fort Garry Premium Light

Fort Garry Premium Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 3% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3rd
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.fortgarry.com/
Best for: Skipping a light fandango
Ratings:
Taste: 1/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Fort Garry Light. Fort... Garry... Light. FGL. I don't even know what to say anymore. Uhh... think Bard, think. What would a jag-off Beer Advocate reviewer write? "it pours a golden straw colour and smells lightly malty..." go fuck yourself! It's shit!

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Beer #542 of 3,652

Tatra

Tatra
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Poland
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 2nd
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.zywiec.com.pl/
Best for: Fantasizing
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 7/10
Handwritten notes: This is a mish-mash of I dunno what. Electric tinny bitter hops, brown sugar caramel malts and lay-low fizziness. I have no idea what kind of beer this is... it could be a blend of other beers for all I know. Just like Coke and Sprite mixed together, it's not bad, really, but not worth the $4.25 price tag.
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Beer #540 of 3,652

Bedele Gold Label Special Beer

Bedele Gold Label Special Beer
Type of beer: Export Lager
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Ethiopia
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: n/a
Best for:
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Ethiopia, really? No wonder every time I see Ethiopians on tv they have distended stomachs and have flies buzzing around them. It's beer bellies and beer stench, not starvation and poverty! Gimme back those pennies I put in the Unicef box last Halloween! That might be the most tasteless comment I have ever made. Even so, this beer looks like (and tastes like) the beer from that scene in Strange Brew where they pour their dad a beer from the dog food dish. See this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GogRZwFXoA
A sickly sweet beer that sticks to your hateful soul.

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Beer #527 of 3,652

Lucky Buddha Beer

Lucky Buddha Beer
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: China
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.luckydrinkco.com/
Best for: looking at trees
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Fucking Buddhists don't know the meaning of sacrilegious. Some beer bottle with the smiling face of Jesus or Muhammad would undoubtedly incite some divinely justifiable bloodshed. But the Buddhists just sit there in the corner, smoking weed and thinking about the human condition. This beer has that greazy Oriental feel with a floral backdrop. So, in conclusion, buy Rucky. But don't desire it. Existence is suffering. It ends when you're drunk.

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Beer #517 of 3,652

Kronenbourg 1664

Kronenbourg 1664
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: France
Rating: 43% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit Glass
website: http://www.brasseries-kronenbourg.com
Best for: Impersonating a millionaire
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 9/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 4/10

Handwritten notes: Skunk-stink, but only a light skunk-stink, if that helps. A bit less bitter and softer around the corners than I expected. Weird, like there may be Cascade detergent in it. Buy it so that you can ask your friends (or relatives, or prostitutes you've paid to wear spider-man tights and tickle your feet) "who wants a Kronenbourg??"

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Beer #512 of 3,652

Big Rock Gopher Lager

Big Rock Gopher Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 5
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.bigrockbeer.com/
Best for: having a fucking cook-out
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: There is something in the first sip that screams "Big Rock". You faithful reader(s) will know by now about my romanticized Big Rock past, 14 years ago, scouting out Big Rock Pale Ale at only "discerning" vendors for $9.10 per six pack, sitting in my room drinking alone listening to Morrison Hotel. In those days you could take $20, get a six pack and a pack of smokes and still have $5 left. Big Rock was miles above any shit beer I'd ever tasted. There is something in the maltiness of this beer and uniquely bitter hops that takes me back to that basement bedroom, lit by Christmas lights even in the middle of July. Ah... scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind.

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Beer #507 of 3,652

George Killian's Irish Red

George Killian's Irish Red
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating:48% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup (ha ha it says "moo")
website: http://www.georgekillians.com/
Best for: Listening to "Infidels"
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 9/20
Buy again: 9/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Ahh, Richard Reed's. This has a metallic tasting barbecue sauce sweetness (and I'm talking Kansas City barbecue here). Still, perhaps better than other Reds I've had, including my trip to Moscow in 1984 (waka waka). This has more of an aftertaste, which I can always appreciate. Somewhat. Killian's. Yeah, pure 100% Irish made. Puh.

The label says "21 means 21". It just made me realize how laughable the drinking age in the USA is. Kill for your country? Yes. Vote? Yes. Smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day? Sure. Buy stacks of porn and read it at a gentleman's club? Ah, why not. Have a beer after work? NO! FUCK NO!! DAMN YOU TO THE DE**L DEMON ALCOHOL!!! You Americans cling like fuck to your puritanical roots. Dude, it's 2011. Deal.
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Beer #504 of 3,652

Michelob Honey Lager

Michelob Honey Lager
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 14% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.michelob.com/
Best for: Slapping your dog silly
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Oh, I get the market for Michelob now. It's diff (apostrophe) rent. It's not strange, scary, and frightening like the wicked craft beers you see. This is the kind of beer that you read the label of and know what to expect. It's good for people with anxiety disorders and the generally emotionally fragile. I have to admit, just the mention of "craft beer" makes me soil my trousers. Thank you, Michelob. You are the rock that keeps me from soaring away. Yuck.

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Beer #503 of 3,652

Grain Belt Nordeast

Grain Belt Nordeast
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 69% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer:1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup
website: http://www.schellsbrewery.com/
Best for: playing roulette
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: I bought this fully expecting not to like it. Regular Grain belt was an American nightmare. However, I've lived my life the way I have fully expecting not to live this long. Both have been somewhat pleasant surprises. It is what it is. A lot of people say that now. I prefer saying "this is this" with a distorted Bob DeNiro sneer. This beer is a bock-ish brown sugar wafer, but lighter and distinctly caramel. I love it. You buy it! You buy it! Di di mao!

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Beer #501 of 3,652

Spaten Premium Lager

Spaten Premium Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 2 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.spatenbraeu.de/
Best for: Eating pretzeled bread
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Exactly as expected. No more, no less. I had only seen pictures of this beer before, some pictures of Aryan big-bosomed girls swigging 4 litre mugs of this shit at Oktoberfest. Yup, that's it. Dewy grass honeysuckle German lager to the tits. I s'pose Germany was built on this crap and big bosomed dreams of world domination. How's that working out for you? Fucking Krauts, you best recognize. Overall, I would enjoy this beer at Oktoberfest. "On" Oktoberfest? No, "at" Oktoberfest. Yeah, "at".

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Beer #485 of 3,652

Shiner Ruby Redbird

Shiner Ruby Redbird
Type of beer: Fruit Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.01%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: Getting real
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 9/10

Handwritten notes: I read the label and chuckled "Beer brewed with Texas Ruby Red Grapefruit juice and ginger". Why the fuck not?? Why not throw some grapefruit in there? Ah... then I tried it. Remember, dear friends, that the new Bard rules this realm. The mix of grapefruit (not IPA grapefruit but a muskier, more genuine grapefruit) plus ginger = shockingly refreshing. God help me, I like this. When I think of the man I was, even yesterday, I want to slap his face. Pompous cunt. Shut up and drink your beer, you jive turkey!!

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Beer #483 of 3,652

Busch Light

Busch Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: ugh. see below.
Drank From: Ho-maid beer cup
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: living a double life
Ratings:
Taste: 1/20
Flavour: 1/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: Bless me readers, for I have sinned. I buy Busch Light now. Y'know every once and a while, and I keep it on the D-L. But, just hear me out. It isn't pretentious. It isn't me. Yeah, I like to get me some strange once in a while. It just does what it's supposed to do, it fizzes, it's yellow, it's tasteless, and it lessens my pain. If you know, dear readers an reader-ettes, how many Busch Lights I've bought in the past three months, you'd be sick. I know, I know. Don't picture it. Let's just move on, if we can.

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Beer #480 of 3,652

PC Light

PC Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 11% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: n/a
Best for: logging into your AOL email account
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: This has sort of a gross Canadian pungency floating down a piss-river of light liquid. I respect a beer that goes 100% into what it claims. I don't want a light that leaves a metallic Canadian aftertaste in your throat (like this one). Why, oh why, is there a market for beers with 1% less alcohol? Some mysteries can't be solved, even by Columbo. No, I take that back. Columbo could figure this one out, but he would do so shading his eyes and telling you he couldn't. Brilliant.

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Beer #477 of 3,652

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Goblet
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: losing it
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Listen you... listen you screwheads: here is a man who would not take it anymore. Fuck not liking fruit beers. Fuck hating anything Anheuser Busch makes. Fuck it all. This tastes like one of those fruity wines but the only difference is that this beer has a hidden grainy strength that makes you step back and say "oh. that ain't bad". Far, far above putting fruit flavouring in a wheatie and calling it novel. I wish all fruit beer were like this. Listen, we need to talk. I know you're used to me not liking fruit beers and mega companies. I know. But... things change, people change. What? Well, frig you then. One day a real fruit beer rain will come and wash all the trash off the sidewalk.

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Beer #473 of 3,652

Michelob Golden Light

Michelob Golden Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.10%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 4% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 5
Drank From: Big Rock Glass
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: illin'
Ratings:
Taste: 1/20
Flavour: 1/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: What's with these crappy looking ribbed bottles? What's with this crappy beer? One time a dude I met tailgating in Minnesota with the unfortunate nickname "dickhead" told me that Michelob Golden draft was the best beer ever. Being just then 21 I bought it and didn't know any better. Also, what's the deal with Michelob? Is it... premium? And... why? Damn, this beer makes me do nothing but ask questions for which there can be no answer. I need to take a class on marketing.

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Beer #469 of 3,652

Landshark Lager

Landshark Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit Glass
website: http://www.landsharklager.com
Best for: grillin' shit!!
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I don't even care about the G.D. back story to this beer. I just assume that it has something to do with Jimmy Buffet and it is gay. I sit near the barbecue, glass of Land Shark by my side. A single steady stream of bubbles flit to the surface of the glass from a deep deposit of carbonation. Land Shark... Land Shark?? (I say mimicking the old Flin Flon Canadian vignette). There's something slightly different about this beer, stemming from some sort of honey taste. This could be a Sleeman's product, honey brown or something. Still not the best thing I've ever forced through my kidneys...

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Beer #467of 3,652

Shiner Blonde

Shiner Blonde
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 49% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Red Man mug
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: stepping on people's toes
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: A light and fizzy piece o' work. It has subdued wheaty flavour, but nothing slaps you in the face. It would be good as a thirst quencher, but for the price I'd rather slam 6 cheap beers to quench my thirst/blood lust. However, this beer is not half bad. But I'm an optimist. A pessimist may just say that it's not half good.

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Beer #465 of 3,652

Foster's Lager

Foster's Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 750 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Australia
Rating: 18% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6 or so
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.fostersgroup.com/
Best for: Watching any movie with Tom Selleck...
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 3/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Apparently Foster's is Australian for beer. But any scoundrel-blooded Australian will tell you this beer is crap. It kind of sticks to the roof and sides of your mouth like an alcoholic peanut butter sandwich. You almost need a club soda chaser just to cleanse your palate. Listen, I never met an Aussie who was not a complete pretentious jackass. "Look at me, I'm Au-stray-lein I'm gonna steal yer girlfriend, mate". Pricks. But I can't saddle them with the responsibility for this yellow cesspool hog urine. On another note: I FUCKING LOVE MEN AT WORK. Really, I do.

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Beer #455 of 3,652

Brick Red Baron

Brick Red Baron
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 23% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.brickbeer.com/
Best for: clamming
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 5/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This is an almost tasteless lager with only a sweet and sour kiss at the end. It's different from other standard macros, but just a bit. Brick makes some other, interesting stuff, but I kind of think this one was made to fill the need of the half-sloshed, sunburned, pink tank-top wearing 40 year old man who insists "I don't want no pussy beer!". Here, try this Red Baron. Now get back in your truck, drive drunk back home, and forcibly "make sex" on your common law partner.

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Beer #450 of 3,652