Lucky Bucket Certified Evil

Lucky Bucket Certified Evil
Type of beer: Dark Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 12.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 76% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 4th
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.luckybucketbrewing.com/
Best for: Climbing ropes
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Ahhh.... hmmm. A strange dark Ale full of evil. I'm not sure if beer companies use names like this to hype their beer for the same reason that specialty hot sauces use names like "suicide" "mouth inferno" and "scrotum piercing". This beer has that old chocolate malt but... bah? Bitter hops? The taste lingering on the palate is porter but the lingering sensation is bitterness. Well, on that note, I'm shnockered.

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Beer #541 of 3,652

Red Horse Beer

Red Horse Beer
Type of beer: Malt Liquor
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.00%
Country of origin: Philippines
Rating: 2% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.sanmiguel.com.ph/
Best for: Yelling
Ratings:
Taste: 0/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 0/10

Handwritten notes: Alright, down by 2. It's the fourth quarter and you've used all your timeouts. Your QB just spiked the ball at the 25 yard line with 3 seconds to go. Here comes your field goal kicker, perfect this year so far. Here's the snap... the hold.. and it's... no good!!!! Disgusting candy yuck swirl.

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Beer #537 of 3,652

Flying Dog Kerberos Tripel

Flying Dog Kerberos Tripel
Type of beer: Tripel
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 76% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://flyingdogales.com/
Best for: going 10 rounds
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is a juicy type tripel with a pleasant back o' the throat bite and a sweet alcohol fade. A punchy-punch head swimmer. I would like to drink like 6 of these and then try and paint a bowl of fruit. It would likely end up being a doodle of a giant robot fighting a tank and Ernie taking bong hits.

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Beer #529 of 3,652

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.brooklynbrewery.com/
Best for: Watching old GI JOE cartoons
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Really. Okay. Picture the IPA in your gullet. Bitter pamplemousse and papillon flavours flying around your mind. And potpourri, speaking of beautiful french "p" words. I love a good chicken potpourri on a cold day. Ha ha... hmmm.

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Beer #528 of 3,652

Tripel Karmeliet

Tripel Karmeliet
Type of beer: Tripel
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.40%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 81% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.bestbelgianspecialbeers.be/
Best for: a Moondance
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 17/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Aww, nice. That old strange yellow fruity taste and peppery finish. Every once in a while when you get down in the mouth about life, and you find yourself lacking the energy to tie your shoes and you find yourself getting up from your recliner to get 2 beers (both for yourself), throw a tripel down your neck. Liquid Prozac, pals.

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Beer #522 of 3,652

Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA

Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.10%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://flyingdogales.com/
Best for: Inter-netting
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Hahahaha I see why they call it Snake Dog. It snakes on you! Hahahaha. I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD. I don't believe in cutsie abbreviations or finding euphemisms for grapefruit IPAs. I am a fan of sarcasm. So everyone knows there's no word that rhymes with orange. Well, nothing rhymes with grapefruit either. Or lemon. Or kumquat. Well, kumquat, okay, but the rest not. This IPA is soul warming and makes you think like a 1980s stand up comedian. I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY ANUS OFF.

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Beer #520 of 3,652

Sierra Nevada Double IPA

Sierra Nevada Double IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz.
Alcohol by volume: 8.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.sierranevada.com/
Best for: likin' it raw
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 5/10
Handwritten notes:
Hippa to da hoppa and you just don't stoppa!

I have no words better than that. Go to beer camp and create this. I'm going to Canadian macro beer camp this summer. I'm going to recommend a musky-cellar tin wash bin beer. Hey, and we'll call it a pilsner. Revolutionary!

I keep my breath smellin' like beer so I can get drunky.
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Beer #519 of 3,652

Sierra Nevada Juniper Black Ale

Sierra Nevada Juniper Black Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 55% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.sierranevada.com/
Best for: nightmares
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Ohhh, come on Sierra Nevada. Come on. You're going to hop monster me with a dark beer? Close your eyes, think double IPA. Guess what? Double IPA. Fuckin' invite me to your dumb ass beer camp next year and I guarantee my revolutionary idea will not be "the same old beer... just black." I'll fresh idear the fuck out of y'alls. Certainly not black hopmonster, or blackhopula, blackhopenstein or any variation thereof.

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Beer #513 of 3,652

Kasteel Rouge

Kasteel Rouge
Type of beer: Fruit Ale
Container Type: 330 mL bottleE
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.vanhonsebrouck.be/
Best for: Krieking one out
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know if I'm being a snobbish dick, or, conversely, a dickish snob, but European fruit beers taste better. This one is simply cherries galore. The taste of cherry satisfies me because when I was a little kid and me and my little brother went to the doctor they would give us a sucker when we were done. Since he was "smaller" he always got to pick one first. He always took the last red one (cherry). I got what was left... let's see... yellow, green, orange... these... they... they're all fucking citrus!! This jealousy brought me to beat my brother mercilessly for many, many years. But, no, we had fun.

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Beer #510 of 3,652

Spaten Optimator

Spaten Optimator
Type of beer: Doppelbock
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.20%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.spatenbraeu.de/
Best for: car-pooling
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 13/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This tastes very bock-like. I can't tell by the bottle if it's really a bock. If it is, I win. I win the Olympics. If not, then boo. (**Confirmed! I win the Olympics!**). Somehow I find this name to be super bad-ass. But if you go around saying "Spaten Optimator Dopplebock" it sounds like you've got a mouthful of marbles. This has a deep caramel taste with floral notes that I was hoping Beck's Dark would carry. Very smooth and syrupy, but pleasantly so. Well, as they say in Germany, "C'est la vie".

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Beer #508 of 3,652

Abita Jockamo IPA

Abita Jockamo IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 77% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Giny Glass
website: http://www.abita.com/
Best for: setting your flag on fire
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is an IPA that does not leave your mouth feeling violated, sitting clutching its knees in the shower in a desperate attempt to feel clean again. Now, that subtlety is unique for an IPA these days. Really though I'd prefer this sugary tartness to some "set your mouth on fire" IPA. Talkin' bout hey now.

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Beer #500 of 3,652

North Coast Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout

North Coast Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout
Type of beer: Imperial Stout
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 9.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 78% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.northcoastbrewing.com/
Best for: walking the line
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: I've actually heard quite a bit about this beer through the online grapevine. Damn you pricks with your beer blogs that actually "look good" and have "substance" and lack "fucking curse words". But did this beer live up to the hype? Yup. The best thing about this beer is the complexity brought by the wine like nostril flaring booziness. Somehow this roasty-toasty bevvy gets evened out by the high alcohol content. There. Good. I got through the whole review without a Boney M reference. Done.

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Beer #496 of 3,652

HaandBryggriet Odin's Tipple

HaandBryggriet Odin's Tipple
Type of beer: Imperial Stout
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 11.00%
Country of origin: Denmark
Rating: 84% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.haandbryggeriet.net/
Best for: Polling the electorate
Ratings:
Taste: 17/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 9/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 9/10

Handwritten notes: I am writing this prior to sipping, It poured like zombie blood with a fizz-less moan like a tortured soul. Alright, let's see what a $10 beer tastes like...

Zombie blood. Thick, dark, soulless alcohol swimming in a french-press coffee brine. I would hate to be future Bard right now. The ABV is not overpowering, but omnipresent. Omnipotent even. I've never had a beer with this texture before. It begs to be sipped slowly, the port of beers. Gosh almighty. Great Caesar's Ghost! Oh... I mean BY ODIN'S BEARD!

...I'm writing this the next day. After 3/4 of this beer I gently folded my hands over my chest and closed my eyes. And woke up 2 hours later.

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Beer #495 of 3,652

Tree Brewing Captivator DoppelBock

Tree Brewing Captivator DoppelBock
Type of beer: Doppelbock
Container Type: 650 mL
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 71% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Okto mug
website: http://www.treebeer.com/
Best for: inducing a coma
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: The initial taste is "Halloween candy" and then a bitter pasty mouth finish. A lovely tummy warming feeling. I brought this puppy home and waited patiently for an overcast rainy day. It was the worst 4 days of my life. But here is the rainy overcast night, sweet warm humid breeze flowing over my nostrils. This beer kind of reminds me of the old Nostadamus doppel. Let's not romanticize, though. This is overall a B+ student. But so was I, so let's go get some tacos.

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Beer #493 of 3,652

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Goblet
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: losing it
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Listen you... listen you screwheads: here is a man who would not take it anymore. Fuck not liking fruit beers. Fuck hating anything Anheuser Busch makes. Fuck it all. This tastes like one of those fruity wines but the only difference is that this beer has a hidden grainy strength that makes you step back and say "oh. that ain't bad". Far, far above putting fruit flavouring in a wheatie and calling it novel. I wish all fruit beer were like this. Listen, we need to talk. I know you're used to me not liking fruit beers and mega companies. I know. But... things change, people change. What? Well, frig you then. One day a real fruit beer rain will come and wash all the trash off the sidewalk.

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Beer #473 of 3,652

Lucky Bucket IPA

Lucky Bucket IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz. bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.30%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.luckybucketbrewing.com/
Best for: Putting
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: A-hem. Standard. I've had so many beers just like this I can't even begin to create a novel description. American IPA. I... can't... form review... or reach... Bat... belt. God Bless you Adam West. And the rapist who played Robin, what's his name... Burt Ward. Did you know he was convicted of six counts of raping a giraffe? Is that true? Well, this is the Internet, and I'm half pissed and admittedly making shit up, so I'm more credible than most of the pricks posting shit on blogs right now. Where was I... oh yeah. GRAPE-FRUIT. Feck.

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Beer #471 of 3,652

Otro Mundo Strong Red Ale

Otro Mundo Strong Red Ale
Type of beer: Red Ale
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.50%
Country of origin: Argentina
Rating: 66% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://otromundo.com/
Best for: 7:34 p.m.
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This Ale is syrupy as fuck, like a maple syrup punch in the pancreas. There is a sort of manufactured taste that makes me wish this were a Canadian mega-brewery product. But it's not. It's made in Argentina, home of Hitler... also I think Elvis lives there. And Michael Jackson. Him too. No one finds you in Argentina. No one.

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Beer #461 of 3,652

Russell Wee Angry Scotch Ale

Russell Wee Angry Scotch Ale
Type of beer: Scotch Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.50%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 81% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.russellbeer.ca/
Best for: succumbing to injury
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 17/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Scotch ale is fast becoming a favourite style of mine. This is a "roasted, more porter than not but fuck it it works" Scotch Ale. The elements of classic Scotch ale are these, tucked beneath the hard porter rain. It's really quite unique and unexpected. It's a surprise party in your mouth. Have you ever been invited to a surprise party? Not me. I don't even think they really exist outside of 1980s sit-coms. Also, is brunch a real thing? Huh.

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Beer #460 of 3,652

Great Lakes Winter Ale 2010

Great Lakes Winter Ale 2010
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 750 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.20%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 27% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass (after removal of candy canes)
website: http://www.greatlakesbeer.com/
Best for: Playing Trivial Pursuit by yourself
Ratings:
Taste: 5/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Tastes like winter. Why? When I was a kid, Christmas was the only time all the boys got on tight-fitting itchy sweaters and wool pants and slapped on dad's cologne. Only dad didn't wear cologne. He just has that shit someone gave him as a gift for Christmas in 1975. Hai Karate, or some bottle shaped like a Roman column. It was rancid for sure, but we wore it. Do you smell that? Rancid cologne, pine needles, and sweat-soaked wool? That's what this beer tastes like. Sound good? Nah.

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Beer #458 of 3,652

Inveralmond Blackfriar

Inveralmond Blackfriar
Type of beer: Scottish Ale
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.00%
Country of origin: Scotland
Rating: 70% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.inveralmond-brewery.co.uk/
Best for: learning about giraffes
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Not bad. Not super-d-duper but head and shoulders above the usual swill I've been drinking. What does that mean, "head and shoulders"? Oh, I get it. I love analogies that are self explanatory. This is not really the classic Scottish Ale, it has a syrupy citrus bite. Weird. Like a candied orange or a lemon cake.

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Beer #451 of 3,652