Tatra

Tatra
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Poland
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 2nd
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.zywiec.com.pl/
Best for: Fantasizing
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 7/10
Handwritten notes: This is a mish-mash of I dunno what. Electric tinny bitter hops, brown sugar caramel malts and lay-low fizziness. I have no idea what kind of beer this is... it could be a blend of other beers for all I know. Just like Coke and Sprite mixed together, it's not bad, really, but not worth the $4.25 price tag.
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Beer #540 of 3,652

Tomyknocker Maple Nut Brown Ale

Tomyknocker Maple Nut Brown Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 68% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://tommyknocker.com/
Best for: Posing for a photo
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Not so bad as I expected, a lispy maple (almost brown thugary). The maple does not distract too badly from the standard brown ale flavour. Not as solid as the Cannery Brewing version, but still a good use of Canada's blood.

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Beer #538 of 3,652

Mongozo Premium Pilsener

Mongozo Premium Pilsener
Type of beer: Pilsner
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Netherlands
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Pilly glass
website: http://www.mongozo.com/
Best for: Saving the world and shit
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Best gluten free beer ever. But I guess that's like winning the "best smile" contest in London. That's right, limeys, I went there. It could be the simple fact that it is 1:00 a.m. when I'm writing this, and I'm not "driving around" sober. But this ain't a bad tasting beer. Sort of a dusty manufactured taste but, garsh help me, a hell of a lot better than a lot of beers.

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Beer #533 of 3,652

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.brooklynbrewery.com/
Best for: Watching old GI JOE cartoons
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Really. Okay. Picture the IPA in your gullet. Bitter pamplemousse and papillon flavours flying around your mind. And potpourri, speaking of beautiful french "p" words. I love a good chicken potpourri on a cold day. Ha ha... hmmm.

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Beer #528 of 3,652

Hockley Black & Tan

Hockley Black and Tan
Type of beer:Black and Tan
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 65% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.hockleybeer.ca/
Best for: Stamping out racism
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 14x/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Black and tan, in a can? I would so drink it, in a car, I would so drink it with a star, I would so drink it near and far, I would so drink it, at a bar. I dunno. But this is a smooth malt pleaser that moseys down your throat on a summer night. I would so drink it, in my plight, I would so drink it, and start a fight, I would so drink it, in the morning light.

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Beer #525 of 3,652

Sierra Nevada Double IPA

Sierra Nevada Double IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz.
Alcohol by volume: 8.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.sierranevada.com/
Best for: likin' it raw
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 5/10
Handwritten notes:
Hippa to da hoppa and you just don't stoppa!

I have no words better than that. Go to beer camp and create this. I'm going to Canadian macro beer camp this summer. I'm going to recommend a musky-cellar tin wash bin beer. Hey, and we'll call it a pilsner. Revolutionary!

I keep my breath smellin' like beer so I can get drunky.
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Beer #519 of 3,652

Thwaites Very Nutty Black

Thwaites Very Nutty Black
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 3.90%
Country of origin: England
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.thwaites.co.uk/
Best for: Pondering Rubik's Cube
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This smells like a very ordinary dark ale, but tastes very unique. You are met with an almost sour bite that sticks to your lips like citric acid. Further on, a faint licorice and almost Amaretto taste. Weird, different, but as busy as Rodney Dangerfield's tie.

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Beer #515 of 3,652

Wittekerke

Wittekerke
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 11.2 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 60% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.bavik.be/
Best for: Diddy wa Diddie
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: It looks like lemonade. It tastes like something close to lemonade. A very citrussy flowery taste, thank heavens with no aftertaste of rotten sunflower seeds. Somewhere in the cellar of taste there's the most crisp "beer" taste ever. And finally, a banana finish. Ahh, esters, that strange science that makes beers taste like fruit. But why the hell does fresh laid tar smell like sesame snaps? Oh, what a world.

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Beer #511 of 3,652

Boulevard Pale Ale

Boulevard Pale Ale
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.boulevard.com
Best for: Quiet reflection
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a light and citrussy, pretty good, but not a stand out PA. Listen, Boulevard. You remember what I said about Lunar Ale? I just don't think you're getting the Jeff Lynne. Peep this:

Know it. Live it.
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Beer #509 of 3,652

Big Rock Gopher Lager

Big Rock Gopher Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 5
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.bigrockbeer.com/
Best for: having a fucking cook-out
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: There is something in the first sip that screams "Big Rock". You faithful reader(s) will know by now about my romanticized Big Rock past, 14 years ago, scouting out Big Rock Pale Ale at only "discerning" vendors for $9.10 per six pack, sitting in my room drinking alone listening to Morrison Hotel. In those days you could take $20, get a six pack and a pack of smokes and still have $5 left. Big Rock was miles above any shit beer I'd ever tasted. There is something in the maltiness of this beer and uniquely bitter hops that takes me back to that basement bedroom, lit by Christmas lights even in the middle of July. Ah... scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind.

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Beer #507 of 3,652

Michelob Amber Bock

Michelob Amber Bock
Type of beer: Bock
Container Type: 12oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From:Glass
website: http://www.michelob.com/
Best for: Hot summer mornings
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Upon the first sip I did declareth "Ahhh, c'mon guys. Who are you trying to fool?" Ah, but the next sip didst foretell gentle hints of vanilla and caramel betwixt the sugary bock. Alas, followed by a flat sugar water sensation. What manner of sorcery is this? T'is strange magic, for sure.

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Beer #502 of 3,652

Grain Belt Nordeast

Grain Belt Nordeast
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 69% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer:1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup
website: http://www.schellsbrewery.com/
Best for: playing roulette
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: I bought this fully expecting not to like it. Regular Grain belt was an American nightmare. However, I've lived my life the way I have fully expecting not to live this long. Both have been somewhat pleasant surprises. It is what it is. A lot of people say that now. I prefer saying "this is this" with a distorted Bob DeNiro sneer. This beer is a bock-ish brown sugar wafer, but lighter and distinctly caramel. I love it. You buy it! You buy it! Di di mao!

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Beer #501 of 3,652

Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion

Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 62% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://theflyingmonkeys.ca/
Best for: taking off
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: I understand being hip an modern and shit and playing the hi-fi at the sock hop and what not but I thought Robert Simpson was a classy name. Remember Confederation Amber Ale? Same company. I could tell by their smelly hippy bottle and the fact that Barrie Ontario probably couldn't handle two craft breweries. No offense, Barrionites. Even so, if you hippies are going to sell beer, don't think of a name while syncing Dark Side of the Moon with the Wizard of Oz. Now... the beer. It's a distinctly Canadian tasting beer... much like something Robert Simpson would brew. But the tinny northern molasses malts are laid over with a sort of IPA cloak. A technicolour dreamcoat that reminds us that 75% of Canadian live within 100 miles of the States. Smile on your brother.

(By the way, for you Americans, "technicolour" is a real spelling, and "the States" is what we call you. For you Canadians a "mile" is 1.609 kilometres).

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Beer #498 of 3,652

Samuel Adams Cream Stout

Samuel Adams Cream Stout
Type of beer: Stout
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 69% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.samueladams.com
Best for: sleeping one off
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a surprisingly non-thick stout. The faint chocolate-milk flavour seems fuller, but less bold than other stouts. That's an odd thing to say, I know. I want to say that this is like a porter but t'aint. It's all stout, but rounder and a bit less abrasive than others. Unfortunately, abrasiveness is what I'm looking for in a stout. Usually.

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Beer #494 of 3,652

Spaten Premium Lager

Spaten Premium Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 2 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.spatenbraeu.de/
Best for: Eating pretzeled bread
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Exactly as expected. No more, no less. I had only seen pictures of this beer before, some pictures of Aryan big-bosomed girls swigging 4 litre mugs of this shit at Oktoberfest. Yup, that's it. Dewy grass honeysuckle German lager to the tits. I s'pose Germany was built on this crap and big bosomed dreams of world domination. How's that working out for you? Fucking Krauts, you best recognize. Overall, I would enjoy this beer at Oktoberfest. "On" Oktoberfest? No, "at" Oktoberfest. Yeah, "at".

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Beer #485 of 3,652

Abita Turbodog

Abita Turbodog
Type of beer: Brown Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.60%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 65% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Ginny glass
website: http://www.abita.com/
Best for: smelling your armpits
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Kind of a tootsie roll flavour... not quite chocolate, but caramelly and chocolate-esque. But there is a kind of tinny bitterness that I'm not sure plays well with the softer cocoa notes. At the very least, this beer is interesting, and a refreshing offering from a micro brewery. I can't wait to see what the industry will be putting out in 8 years. I can't imagine, and I dare not. Remember those old 1950s movies where the great Martian invasion of 1995 happened? And we were all flying around in jet cars and had robot servants? I don't want to fall victim to that unfortunate prognostication. Ah fuck it, I predict a Brussels sprout flavoured beer. Once we see this happen, the apocalypse will surely follow. Forsooth, muthafuckas!!

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Beer #484 of 3,652

Shiner Ruby Redbird

Shiner Ruby Redbird
Type of beer: Fruit Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.01%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: Getting real
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 9/10

Handwritten notes: I read the label and chuckled "Beer brewed with Texas Ruby Red Grapefruit juice and ginger". Why the fuck not?? Why not throw some grapefruit in there? Ah... then I tried it. Remember, dear friends, that the new Bard rules this realm. The mix of grapefruit (not IPA grapefruit but a muskier, more genuine grapefruit) plus ginger = shockingly refreshing. God help me, I like this. When I think of the man I was, even yesterday, I want to slap his face. Pompous cunt. Shut up and drink your beer, you jive turkey!!

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Beer #483 of 3,652

Shiner Smokehaus

Shiner Smokehaus
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.89%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 66% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: Putting on the Ritz
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Wow, that's unique. The beer is sort of like a bock, and then, just when you say "where dis smoke at?" it hits you, a punch of hickory. I was afraid of a beer that tastes like when I smoke meat... a pervasive smokiness that sticks to your soul and you wake up at 3:00 a.m. smelling it. Nope, not this. It's there, but it's in its place. Nice.

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Beer #479 of 3,652

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Goblet
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: losing it
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Listen you... listen you screwheads: here is a man who would not take it anymore. Fuck not liking fruit beers. Fuck hating anything Anheuser Busch makes. Fuck it all. This tastes like one of those fruity wines but the only difference is that this beer has a hidden grainy strength that makes you step back and say "oh. that ain't bad". Far, far above putting fruit flavouring in a wheatie and calling it novel. I wish all fruit beer were like this. Listen, we need to talk. I know you're used to me not liking fruit beers and mega companies. I know. But... things change, people change. What? Well, frig you then. One day a real fruit beer rain will come and wash all the trash off the sidewalk.

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Beer #473 of 3,652

Lucky Bucket IPA

Lucky Bucket IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz. bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.30%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.luckybucketbrewing.com/
Best for: Putting
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: A-hem. Standard. I've had so many beers just like this I can't even begin to create a novel description. American IPA. I... can't... form review... or reach... Bat... belt. God Bless you Adam West. And the rapist who played Robin, what's his name... Burt Ward. Did you know he was convicted of six counts of raping a giraffe? Is that true? Well, this is the Internet, and I'm half pissed and admittedly making shit up, so I'm more credible than most of the pricks posting shit on blogs right now. Where was I... oh yeah. GRAPE-FRUIT. Feck.

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Beer #471 of 3,652