New Belgium Somersault

New Belgium Somersault
Type of beer: Blonde Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.newbelgium.com/
Best for: Tumbling
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Is this an amber or a blonde? What's the fecking difference anyways? This has a plummy/pruney base and a hop-top. Luckily it does not assault you with any particular flavour and you are left with a "beerey" aftertaste. There is definitely a transition of flavour going on. Somersaults are easy. Cartwheels are hard. I can do one but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. When's the last time you (yeah, you) did a cartwheel or somersault? That's why growing up sucks. That's why.

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Beer #539 of 3,652

Tomyknocker Maple Nut Brown Ale

Tomyknocker Maple Nut Brown Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 68% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://tommyknocker.com/
Best for: Posing for a photo
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Not so bad as I expected, a lispy maple (almost brown thugary). The maple does not distract too badly from the standard brown ale flavour. Not as solid as the Cannery Brewing version, but still a good use of Canada's blood.

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Beer #538 of 3,652

Lost Coast Great White

Lost Coast Great White
Type of beer: White Beer
Container Type: 1 pint 6 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 73% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.lostcoast.com/
Best for: The dead of summer
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a very peachy/apricotty swoosh in the old kisser. Pineapple? Something orange or yellowy/orange. Not too bad a way to spend a hot summer night. I like a lot of what Lost Coast has done but they need to cool it with the cutsie labels. No more Freddie Mercury looking sharks, no more acid trip tangerine suns. The thing about cutsie labels is that I always think the company is trying too hard because their beer is shite. Just play it cool, LC. Play it cool.

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Beer #536 of 3,652

Tommyknocker Jack Whacker Wheat Ale

Tommyknocker Jack Whacker Wheat Ale
Type of beer: Wheat Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 35% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://tommyknocker.com/
Best for: Fuck
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: I have to be honest with you people. Well, let me be really honest. I know no one reads this but drunken frat boys at 3:00 a.m. google imaging Keystone Light for a new avatar for their fucking Axis & Allies message board. So. Even so. I looked at this beer and I was upset. "Ale brewed with Lemon Grass". Great. Vague AC/DC innuendo abut jerking off. Perfect. I actually said "I'm sick of this project" (for reals). I've never said that before. Even in my year long hiatus I was dutifully taking pics and making notes. But.. wheat beer? You and I are done, ok? I'm going to stay at my sister's till we figure this out. But I know I don't love you. I never loved you. You keep the kids.

The actual review is as follows: I taste not lemon-grass. I taste weak iced-tea with wheat beer on the label. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Okay.

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Beer #534 of 3,652

Rogue Chipotle Ale

Rogue Chipotle Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 87% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.rogue.com/
Best for: Paying customers only!
Ratings:
Taste: 17/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 19/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 10/10

Handwritten notes: This review I'm doing "on the fly" (drinking as I type). The first thing I said to the clerk in buying this beer was "that sounds like a terrible idea". People, I love hot peppers. I currently have 20 different strains growing. With that said, to be more brutally honest I am not having a good intestine day. So much so that I was forced to make a white-knuckle stop at a Subway bathroom. Even so, I am drinking this beer -- and it is good. The taste is almost like a rauchbier, except that, as time goes by, the back of your throat does battle with a wee bit of capsicum. This is the first beer that actually tastes good when you belch it up. I'm in love.

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Beer #532 of 3,652

Flying Dog Kerberos Tripel

Flying Dog Kerberos Tripel
Type of beer: Tripel
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 76% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://flyingdogales.com/
Best for: going 10 rounds
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is a juicy type tripel with a pleasant back o' the throat bite and a sweet alcohol fade. A punchy-punch head swimmer. I would like to drink like 6 of these and then try and paint a bowl of fruit. It would likely end up being a doodle of a giant robot fighting a tank and Ernie taking bong hits.

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Beer #529 of 3,652

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.brooklynbrewery.com/
Best for: Watching old GI JOE cartoons
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Really. Okay. Picture the IPA in your gullet. Bitter pamplemousse and papillon flavours flying around your mind. And potpourri, speaking of beautiful french "p" words. I love a good chicken potpourri on a cold day. Ha ha... hmmm.

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Beer #528 of 3,652

Old Milwaukee Light

Old Milwaukee Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 12 oz can
Alcohol by volume: 3.88%
Country of origin: United
Rating: 15% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6th
Drank From: Affy Glass
website: www.oldmilwaukee.com/
Best for: Shirtless Sundays
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 4/10
Handwritten notes: Ladies and gentlemen, the genius of Mr. John Prine:

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Beer #526 of 3,652

Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA

Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.10%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://flyingdogales.com/
Best for: Inter-netting
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Hahahaha I see why they call it Snake Dog. It snakes on you! Hahahaha. I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD. I don't believe in cutsie abbreviations or finding euphemisms for grapefruit IPAs. I am a fan of sarcasm. So everyone knows there's no word that rhymes with orange. Well, nothing rhymes with grapefruit either. Or lemon. Or kumquat. Well, kumquat, okay, but the rest not. This IPA is soul warming and makes you think like a 1980s stand up comedian. I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY ANUS OFF.

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Beer #520 of 3,652

Sierra Nevada Double IPA

Sierra Nevada Double IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz.
Alcohol by volume: 8.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.sierranevada.com/
Best for: likin' it raw
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 5/10
Handwritten notes:
Hippa to da hoppa and you just don't stoppa!

I have no words better than that. Go to beer camp and create this. I'm going to Canadian macro beer camp this summer. I'm going to recommend a musky-cellar tin wash bin beer. Hey, and we'll call it a pilsner. Revolutionary!

I keep my breath smellin' like beer so I can get drunky.
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Beer #519 of 3,652

Schoenling Little Kings Original Cream Ale

Schoenling Little Kings Original Cream Ale
Type of beer: Cream Ale
Container Type: 7 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 25% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Jennifer 1992 Glass
website: http://hudepohlbeer.com/
Best for: chasing a rabbit
Ratings:
Taste: 6/20
Flavour: 4/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Tastes strongly of manufactured malt and the tinny flavour of old coffee grounds and well water. There is a smoothness to the finish, but an unpleasant minerally aftertaste. I like the small bottle though. I grabbed it and I says to the wife, I says "look at me I'm Paul fuckin' Bunyan". True story.

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Beer #516 of 3,652

Shock Top Belgian White

Shock Top Belgian White
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 31% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shocktopbeer.com
Best for: Hot dog day
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know about you guys but when I was a little kid we had "hot dog days" at school where you could buy a hot dog for a dollar for lunch over lunch-hour. They were served in the school gym. That smell of cheap ass chicken wieners and gym floor haunts my soul to this day. What they served with this feast was some watery "orange drink" served from big yellow and red coolers with the McDonald's logo on it. That tasteless "orange drink" showed up at most school events in the gym, science fairs, choir concerts, track and field days, and so on. That sick watery orange flavour (as imprinted on my brain as gym sweat and processed chicken) is this beer. Yum. Drink up.

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Beer #514 of 3,652

Sierra Nevada Juniper Black Ale

Sierra Nevada Juniper Black Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 55% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.sierranevada.com/
Best for: nightmares
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Ohhh, come on Sierra Nevada. Come on. You're going to hop monster me with a dark beer? Close your eyes, think double IPA. Guess what? Double IPA. Fuckin' invite me to your dumb ass beer camp next year and I guarantee my revolutionary idea will not be "the same old beer... just black." I'll fresh idear the fuck out of y'alls. Certainly not black hopmonster, or blackhopula, blackhopenstein or any variation thereof.

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Beer #513 of 3,652

Boulevard Pale Ale

Boulevard Pale Ale
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.boulevard.com
Best for: Quiet reflection
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a light and citrussy, pretty good, but not a stand out PA. Listen, Boulevard. You remember what I said about Lunar Ale? I just don't think you're getting the Jeff Lynne. Peep this:

Know it. Live it.
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Beer #509 of 3,652

George Killian's Irish Red

George Killian's Irish Red
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating:48% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup (ha ha it says "moo")
website: http://www.georgekillians.com/
Best for: Listening to "Infidels"
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 9/20
Buy again: 9/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Ahh, Richard Reed's. This has a metallic tasting barbecue sauce sweetness (and I'm talking Kansas City barbecue here). Still, perhaps better than other Reds I've had, including my trip to Moscow in 1984 (waka waka). This has more of an aftertaste, which I can always appreciate. Somewhat. Killian's. Yeah, pure 100% Irish made. Puh.

The label says "21 means 21". It just made me realize how laughable the drinking age in the USA is. Kill for your country? Yes. Vote? Yes. Smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day? Sure. Buy stacks of porn and read it at a gentleman's club? Ah, why not. Have a beer after work? NO! FUCK NO!! DAMN YOU TO THE DE**L DEMON ALCOHOL!!! You Americans cling like fuck to your puritanical roots. Dude, it's 2011. Deal.
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Beer #504 of 3,652

Michelob Honey Lager

Michelob Honey Lager
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 14% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.michelob.com/
Best for: Slapping your dog silly
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Oh, I get the market for Michelob now. It's diff (apostrophe) rent. It's not strange, scary, and frightening like the wicked craft beers you see. This is the kind of beer that you read the label of and know what to expect. It's good for people with anxiety disorders and the generally emotionally fragile. I have to admit, just the mention of "craft beer" makes me soil my trousers. Thank you, Michelob. You are the rock that keeps me from soaring away. Yuck.

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Beer #503 of 3,652

Michelob Amber Bock

Michelob Amber Bock
Type of beer: Bock
Container Type: 12oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From:Glass
website: http://www.michelob.com/
Best for: Hot summer mornings
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Upon the first sip I did declareth "Ahhh, c'mon guys. Who are you trying to fool?" Ah, but the next sip didst foretell gentle hints of vanilla and caramel betwixt the sugary bock. Alas, followed by a flat sugar water sensation. What manner of sorcery is this? T'is strange magic, for sure.

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Beer #502 of 3,652

Grain Belt Nordeast

Grain Belt Nordeast
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 69% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer:1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup
website: http://www.schellsbrewery.com/
Best for: playing roulette
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: I bought this fully expecting not to like it. Regular Grain belt was an American nightmare. However, I've lived my life the way I have fully expecting not to live this long. Both have been somewhat pleasant surprises. It is what it is. A lot of people say that now. I prefer saying "this is this" with a distorted Bob DeNiro sneer. This beer is a bock-ish brown sugar wafer, but lighter and distinctly caramel. I love it. You buy it! You buy it! Di di mao!

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Beer #501 of 3,652

Abita Jockamo IPA

Abita Jockamo IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 77% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Giny Glass
website: http://www.abita.com/
Best for: setting your flag on fire
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is an IPA that does not leave your mouth feeling violated, sitting clutching its knees in the shower in a desperate attempt to feel clean again. Now, that subtlety is unique for an IPA these days. Really though I'd prefer this sugary tartness to some "set your mouth on fire" IPA. Talkin' bout hey now.

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Beer #500 of 3,652

Abita Restoration Pale Ale

Abita Restoration Pale Ale
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.abita.com/
Best for: organizing your pills
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Kind of a strange beer in that it doesn't come at you with claws a-flailin' but sits back in a lawn chair of clean citrus. Zows. But not zows as in busting my head off, but zows as in it comes at you straight without much fuss, letting the caramelly and citrussy flavours develop organically in your kisser. A tribute to Louisiana I guess (I just read the label - restoration refers to the rebuild after the hurricanes). To this day, the Superdome is my favourite place to get raped. Oh, c'mon now.

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Beer #497 of 3,652