St. Sylvestre Du Moulin Pilsner

St. Sylvestre Du Moulin Pilsner
Type of beer: Pilsner
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.30 %
Country of origin: France
Rating: 33% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.brasserie-st-sylvestre.com/
Best for: hanging ten
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: This pours stupidly clear. It tastes like steel dust. I had a fuck of a time at the LC trying to figure out the country of origin on this sucker. It just says "European Beer". There's a picture of a windmill on the can. That's like putting "Asian Beer" on a bottle. This beer ain't no good. It would not surprise me one iota to find out it's some generic grocery store brand from France. Right there next to "No Name" Brie and "Our Compliments" baguettes.

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Beer #535 of 3,652

Tommyknocker Jack Whacker Wheat Ale

Tommyknocker Jack Whacker Wheat Ale
Type of beer: Wheat Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 35% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://tommyknocker.com/
Best for: Fuck
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: I have to be honest with you people. Well, let me be really honest. I know no one reads this but drunken frat boys at 3:00 a.m. google imaging Keystone Light for a new avatar for their fucking Axis & Allies message board. So. Even so. I looked at this beer and I was upset. "Ale brewed with Lemon Grass". Great. Vague AC/DC innuendo abut jerking off. Perfect. I actually said "I'm sick of this project" (for reals). I've never said that before. Even in my year long hiatus I was dutifully taking pics and making notes. But.. wheat beer? You and I are done, ok? I'm going to stay at my sister's till we figure this out. But I know I don't love you. I never loved you. You keep the kids.

The actual review is as follows: I taste not lemon-grass. I taste weak iced-tea with wheat beer on the label. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Okay.

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Beer #534 of 3,652

Muskoka Dark Ale

Muskoka Dark Ale
Type of beer: Brown Ale
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 30% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.muskokabrewery.com/
Best for: Cotta-hey country
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 3/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: If I had a cottage you'd all be invited. But BYOB. You can even sleep in the bunk house. This smoky light keeps me wishing for the days of the iron curtain and the terror that Nikolai Volkoff struck in my heart. Because now I feel nothing, like some dude put 2 drops of liquid smoke in my Keystone Light. Thanx, but no thanx.

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Beer #524 of 3,652

Lucky Buddha Beer

Lucky Buddha Beer
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: China
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.luckydrinkco.com/
Best for: looking at trees
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Fucking Buddhists don't know the meaning of sacrilegious. Some beer bottle with the smiling face of Jesus or Muhammad would undoubtedly incite some divinely justifiable bloodshed. But the Buddhists just sit there in the corner, smoking weed and thinking about the human condition. This beer has that greazy Oriental feel with a floral backdrop. So, in conclusion, buy Rucky. But don't desire it. Existence is suffering. It ends when you're drunk.

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Beer #517 of 3,652

Shock Top Belgian White

Shock Top Belgian White
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 31% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shocktopbeer.com
Best for: Hot dog day
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know about you guys but when I was a little kid we had "hot dog days" at school where you could buy a hot dog for a dollar for lunch over lunch-hour. They were served in the school gym. That smell of cheap ass chicken wieners and gym floor haunts my soul to this day. What they served with this feast was some watery "orange drink" served from big yellow and red coolers with the McDonald's logo on it. That tasteless "orange drink" showed up at most school events in the gym, science fairs, choir concerts, track and field days, and so on. That sick watery orange flavour (as imprinted on my brain as gym sweat and processed chicken) is this beer. Yum. Drink up.

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Beer #514 of 3,652

Kasteel Rouge

Kasteel Rouge
Type of beer: Fruit Ale
Container Type: 330 mL bottleE
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.vanhonsebrouck.be/
Best for: Krieking one out
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know if I'm being a snobbish dick, or, conversely, a dickish snob, but European fruit beers taste better. This one is simply cherries galore. The taste of cherry satisfies me because when I was a little kid and me and my little brother went to the doctor they would give us a sucker when we were done. Since he was "smaller" he always got to pick one first. He always took the last red one (cherry). I got what was left... let's see... yellow, green, orange... these... they... they're all fucking citrus!! This jealousy brought me to beat my brother mercilessly for many, many years. But, no, we had fun.

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Beer #510 of 3,652

Upper Canada Dark Ale

Upper Canada Dark Ale
Type of beer: Brown Ale
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 11
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.uppercanada.com/
Best for: I don't recall...
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This is a dark beer to be fucked with. The thing about Upper Canada is that there is some punch masquerading as craft beer...

**I have to honest with you people. I continued writing but it becomes illegible. Something about chocolate? The perils of my hobby. It is very probable that I fell asleep in my recliner writing this. Another clue is the picture. I almost never pour that much head. Odds are I succumbed to some Bacchanalian obliviousness shortly after taking my first sip.

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Beer #486 of 3,652

PC Pilsener

PC Pilsener
Type of beer: Canadian Pilsner
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: n/a
Best for: floating on cloud 8.5
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 4/10

Handwritten notes: Wah! Generic beer... for real, people. This is the PC take on Labatt Blue. Beer Advocate even says it's brewed by Labatt. Then why is it better than Blue? If this were indicative of Canadian Pilsner I would be a little less bitter and frustrated. This has a light and clean taste, ushering in some malty flavours. To be true, it still ain't that good. But if this were the worst Canadian Pilsner ever I would happily tattoo a maple leaf on my arm like some moronic tool with a 53 IQ. The true north, strong and free.

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Beer #481 of 3,652

Samuel Adams Blackberry Witbier

Samuel Adams Blackberry Witbier
Type of beer: White beer
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 33% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.samueladams.com/
Best for: pruning petunias
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Ironically I have a cold and this tastes like Ny-Quil. Blackberry white. I get it. Was this all for a bit? Was this all in pursuit of some lame joke? This is a sparkly, fruity fellow, mincing around my palate rearranging my furniture and insulting my wardrobe. Heavens to murgatroid!

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Beer #476 of 3,652

Russell Lemon Ale

Russell Lemon Ale
Type of beer: Fruit Ale
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 4th (today)
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.russellbeer.ca/
Best for: pouting
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I've had a lot of fruit beers. This one is exactly as expected. It calls itself a "Wheat Ale" but I don't know about that. Tastes very fresh and light, and honey-lemony. It was a warm as fuck day today and they were giving samples of this away at the vendor. By "they" I mean a pathetically persistent middle-aged man watching hoser after hoser buy cases of Labatt Blue. He told me "it just came in yesterday!" I thought, what the hell? It's actually a yard and a half better than macro crap I could be drinking right now. Plus those dudes giving samples at the vendor are always so grateful when you buy the product. I want that guy to be tucking himself into bed tonight and saying "today was a good day". Here I go, on a fruit beer kick. Heraclitus, you were right, all things are in flux, including my taste buds. Too bad you had to have "clit" right there in he middle of your name.

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Beer #472 of 3,652

Landshark Lager

Landshark Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit Glass
website: http://www.landsharklager.com
Best for: grillin' shit!!
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I don't even care about the G.D. back story to this beer. I just assume that it has something to do with Jimmy Buffet and it is gay. I sit near the barbecue, glass of Land Shark by my side. A single steady stream of bubbles flit to the surface of the glass from a deep deposit of carbonation. Land Shark... Land Shark?? (I say mimicking the old Flin Flon Canadian vignette). There's something slightly different about this beer, stemming from some sort of honey taste. This could be a Sleeman's product, honey brown or something. Still not the best thing I've ever forced through my kidneys...

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Beer #467of 3,652

Rickard's Dark

Rickard's Dark
Type of beer: Porter
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.rickards.ca/
Best for: packing
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: The label says this beer is brewed with maple syrup. I guess that puts it ahead of Keith's dark in the "mini macro" dark beer race. This is a chocolaty porter without much fuss. It has less of the generic "dark beer" taste and more of a scotch ale quality, likely due to the maple syrup. Worth a shot, but don't buy more than one.

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Beer #459 of 3,652

Blue Moon Brewing Honey Moon

Blue Moon Brewing Honey Moon
Type of beer: Wheat Ale
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.60%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 2nd
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 6/30/10
Colours of label: Blue/Yellow/White
Drank From: HP Glass

Label Reads: “The Gold Medal winning Honey Moon Summer Ale is a classic summer ale made even better with real clover honey, fresh orange peel and both pale and white wheat malts. Proof that brewing the perfect summer ale is a true art”

website: www.bluemoonbrewingco.com
Best for: yelling at strangers
Ratings:
Taste: 8/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: This beer has a sweet, honey-ish beginning. But it is not overwhelming with the honey like Dundee. But I'm sill not a fan of honey garlic chicken balls or of a syrupy-sweet beer. This beer is ultimately forgettable. I will not find myself, one month from now, wondering what ever became of old Honey Moon. Screw him, anyways, he forgot my birthday.

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Beer #430 of 3,652

Dundee Original Honey Brown

Dundee Original Honey Brown
Type of beer: Amber
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 35% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 7/11/10
Colours of label: Yellow/Brown/Black
Drank From: HP Glass

Label Reads: “What’s supposed to go in beer? German purity laws say you’re only allowed four ingredients. But this is America . . . the land of individualism, civil disobedience, and footballs that don’t roll like the rest of the world wants them to. So we decided that for Dundee Honey Brown we’d add a fifth — a touch of pure honey. Granted, that’s a recipe that’s a little different. But we figure you can be like everyone else or you can be yourself and drink something unique. Go ahead. Be different.”

website: http://www.dundeebeer.com/
Best for: idolizing David Suzuki
Ratings:
Taste: 8/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: This beer is just sweet enough to be gross. There is a noticeable honey quality that sticks in your throat like peanut butter to the roof of a dog's mouth. I am not generally a fan of sweet things of any kind, be they people, potatoes, or women named "Caroline". I sure as shootin' don't want a diabetes causing beer on a sunny ass summer day. But today I watched an episode of "The Nature of Things" about bees which was quite fascinating. This made me want to give a honey beer a shot. Shot given. Strike taken.

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Beer #422 of 3,652

Fort Garry Brewing Fort Gibraltar

Fort Garry Brewing Fort Gibraltar
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 35% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $2.30
Tasted on: 2/12/10
Colours of label: Red/White/Black
Drank From: Bears

Label Reads: "Fort Gibraltar Premium Lager is craft brewed in small batches and naturally aged without preservatives. Fort Garry brewing company uses only the finest ingredients".

website: www.fortgarry.com/
Best for: Making snow taffy
Ratings:
Taste: 8/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 4/10

Handwritten notes: I first thought, on sipping this bad boy, "aah, Red Kool-Aid". You can just tell by drinking it that it is "Red". And that's just disgusting to me. One thing I'd like to impart, if I haven't done so already, is that I (like most of you kind readers) am from a community whose beer consumption is as plentiful as its beer ignorance. See, for example, this tool-pouch's comments when I insulted a local beer. We think that premium is that stuff you pay extra for. If we pay an extra 20 cents per bottle, we will convince ourselves that the taste is better. I may not be a lot of things: a good credit risk, a hard worker, etc but I am objective. C'mon Fort Garry. This beer is sickly sweet and offensively smooth, like the panties of a high-class hooker. (By the way, this beer is brewed for the Festival du Voyageur, which is pretty much an excuse for local Frenchmen to prance around in lumberjack outfits kissing little boys with their rustly beards).

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Beer #379 of 3,652

Amstel Light

Amstel Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.0%
Country of origin: Netherlands
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st

Cost: $1.90
Tasted on: 11/14/09
Colours of label: Red/White/Gold
Drank From: Red Man Mug
Label Reads: "Imported".
website: www.amstel.com
Best for: proofreading the bible
Ratings:
Taste: 8/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 5/10
Handwritten notes: Intentionally light beer is as offensive to me as intentionally strong beer. Just let it be, boys. Alright, you drink light beer. You save a few calories and delay your heart attack by 13 more seconds. You best enjoy those 13 seconds, boyo, because while you are I'll be slugging a 7% IPA and inhaling a cuban cigar. Who do you think comes out ahead? So I'll die before you will, and you'll win the "delay the inevitable" race. Even so, I'm going to haunt your ass hardcore. This beer is an ok light tasting of a sort of bastardized German Lager.
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Beer #368 of 3,652

Leinenkugel Classic Amber

Leinenkugel Classic Amber

Type of beer: Amber
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 37% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 11/11/09
Colours of label: Yellow/Red/Gold
Drank From: Glass

Label Reads: "Lager with 100 % malted barley and the perfect blend of Hallertau, Cluster, Cascade and Mt. Hood hops". "Carefully brewed by the Leinenkugel family for five generations", "The pride of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin since 1867".

website: www.leinie.com
Best for: working out

Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10
Handwritten notes: This will be the last opportunity I'll have to slander Leinie for a while. This is a sour amber with a metallic bite like you'd find in a faux premium. I don't know what else to say about a company that makes beers just above mediocre. Are they great? No. Are they terrible? No. Are they worth buying and doling out to your friends at a barbecue instead of Bud Light to prove you're classy? Ugh.
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Beer #362 of 3,652

Coors

Coors
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00 %
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 35% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.00

Tasted on: 10/22/09
Colours of label: Yellow/White/Navy
Drank From: Mug
Label Reads: The Legend since 1873", "Banquet", "A brand that has stood the test of time - Brewed with 100% Rocky Mountain water for a legendary taste." "When the mountains turn blue it's as cold as the Rockies!"
website: www.coors.com
Best for: playing it old skool
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 9/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10
Handwritten notes: To my American brethren, there are a few commonplace US beers that are not sold in Canada: Miller Lite, Coors (original), and anything by Michelob, for example. That's my excuse for never having tried Coors before. It tasted like a Canadian macro, only more watery. Really, though, the more I try it, the more it tastes like a pseudo-craft beer trying its best.
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Beer #328 of 3,652

Floris Ninkeberry

Floris Ninkeberry
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 3.5%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $4.50
Tasted on: 8/27/09
Colours of label: Yellow/Orange/Blue
Drank From: Glass
Label Reads: "Fruitbeer based on wheatbeer"
website: n/a
Best for: Throwing out old umbrellas
Ratings:
Taste: 8/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 2/10
Handwritten notes: Is this beer? Fruit beers will be the death of me. It's kind of like asking someone to judge a quality rum by pouring them a shot of rum and Coke. I'm not sure what a Ninkeberry is but I'm quite sure that no self-respecting trash collector would drink this.
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Beer #288 of 3,652

Cerveza Suprema

Cerveza Suprema
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.3%
Country of origin: El Salvador
Rating: 30% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $2.35
Tasted on: 8/15/09
Colours of label: Green/Gold/Black
Drank From: Glass

Label Reads: "Premium Beer", "Monde Selection 2000", "Monde Selection 1995".

website: n/a
Best for: growing a wispy moustache
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: A beer that tastes like it was made in a sweat-shop in some third world country by the sweat of slave labour. It is a rusty, dusty, piece of yuck. It tastes wet and sour like a discount Canadian beer made from ass-ends of brewery barrels. Unique? Perhaps. Good? No. I saw this "Monde Selection" thing and I got curious. Where have I seen this before? Oh, yes, Great Western Brewery bragged about this great and prestigious honour bestowed upon them. Check out the Monde selection website. For a mere $1,100 Euros ($1,700 Canadian) you can enter your beverage, use the Monde logo, and get awarded some pointless distinction to fool half-drunk idiots into thinking your product is good. And, with that, I announce the new "BARD QUALITY EXCELLENCE AWARD". For only $1,500 (Cheaper than Monde), I will test your product and give it the recognition it deserves. You will be permitted to use a logo of my left hand giving thumbs up. If your product meets with my high quality standards review (i.e. if your cheque clears), you will receive a very nice honour, a medal made of chocolate, a fruit basket, and my thanks.

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Beer #272 of 3,652