Bedele Gold Label Special Beer

Bedele Gold Label Special Beer
Type of beer: Export Lager
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Ethiopia
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: n/a
Best for:
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Ethiopia, really? No wonder every time I see Ethiopians on tv they have distended stomachs and have flies buzzing around them. It's beer bellies and beer stench, not starvation and poverty! Gimme back those pennies I put in the Unicef box last Halloween! That might be the most tasteless comment I have ever made. Even so, this beer looks like (and tastes like) the beer from that scene in Strange Brew where they pour their dad a beer from the dog food dish. See this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GogRZwFXoA
A sickly sweet beer that sticks to your hateful soul.

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Beer #527 of 3,652

Old Milwaukee Light

Old Milwaukee Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 12 oz can
Alcohol by volume: 3.88%
Country of origin: United
Rating: 15% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6th
Drank From: Affy Glass
website: www.oldmilwaukee.com/
Best for: Shirtless Sundays
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 4/10
Handwritten notes: Ladies and gentlemen, the genius of Mr. John Prine:

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Beer #526 of 3,652

Waterloo Wheat

Waterloo Wheat
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 11% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.brickbeer.com/
Best for: Sunshiney memories
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: What is this lemonade honey vanilla bean banana peel glass of swill? This is the yellowest fucking beer I've ever tasted. You could freeze it and sell it to unsuspecting children on a summer's afternoon from your rapist-van cranking a tinny medley of "Baby Elephant Walk" and "Maple Leaf Rag". Good gracious, I think I just ate a yellow gumball.

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Beer #523 of 3,652

Michelob Honey Lager

Michelob Honey Lager
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 14% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.michelob.com/
Best for: Slapping your dog silly
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Oh, I get the market for Michelob now. It's diff (apostrophe) rent. It's not strange, scary, and frightening like the wicked craft beers you see. This is the kind of beer that you read the label of and know what to expect. It's good for people with anxiety disorders and the generally emotionally fragile. I have to admit, just the mention of "craft beer" makes me soil my trousers. Thank you, Michelob. You are the rock that keeps me from soaring away. Yuck.

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Beer #503 of 3,652

Busch Light

Busch Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: ugh. see below.
Drank From: Ho-maid beer cup
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: living a double life
Ratings:
Taste: 1/20
Flavour: 1/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: Bless me readers, for I have sinned. I buy Busch Light now. Y'know every once and a while, and I keep it on the D-L. But, just hear me out. It isn't pretentious. It isn't me. Yeah, I like to get me some strange once in a while. It just does what it's supposed to do, it fizzes, it's yellow, it's tasteless, and it lessens my pain. If you know, dear readers an reader-ettes, how many Busch Lights I've bought in the past three months, you'd be sick. I know, I know. Don't picture it. Let's just move on, if we can.

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Beer #480 of 3,652

PC Light

PC Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 11% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: n/a
Best for: logging into your AOL email account
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: This has sort of a gross Canadian pungency floating down a piss-river of light liquid. I respect a beer that goes 100% into what it claims. I don't want a light that leaves a metallic Canadian aftertaste in your throat (like this one). Why, oh why, is there a market for beers with 1% less alcohol? Some mysteries can't be solved, even by Columbo. No, I take that back. Columbo could figure this one out, but he would do so shading his eyes and telling you he couldn't. Brilliant.

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Beer #477 of 3,652

Great Western Original 16

Great Western Original 16
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00 %
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 18% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.greatwesternbrewing.com/
Best for: climbing trees
Ratings:
Taste: 5/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: This beer is the answer to that shitty Molson "micro carbonated" beer (review to follow). Oh, did you say micro-brewed? No, micro carbonated. This is a flat (literally and figuratively) lifeless offering. I fucking love it when companies create products that there is no marketplace demand for. I just sit back in my lawn chair, hands folded delicately on my lap, smiling and waiting. Bring back clear Pepsi, though, that was a great idea.

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Beer #463 of 3,652

Foster's Lager

Foster's Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 750 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Australia
Rating: 18% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6 or so
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.fostersgroup.com/
Best for: Watching any movie with Tom Selleck...
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 3/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Apparently Foster's is Australian for beer. But any scoundrel-blooded Australian will tell you this beer is crap. It kind of sticks to the roof and sides of your mouth like an alcoholic peanut butter sandwich. You almost need a club soda chaser just to cleanse your palate. Listen, I never met an Aussie who was not a complete pretentious jackass. "Look at me, I'm Au-stray-lein I'm gonna steal yer girlfriend, mate". Pricks. But I can't saddle them with the responsibility for this yellow cesspool hog urine. On another note: I FUCKING LOVE MEN AT WORK. Really, I do.

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Beer #455 of 3,652

James Ready 5.5

James Ready 5.5
Type of beer: Blonde Ale
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.5% (oddly enough)
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 17% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.jamesready.com/
Best for: Loving the one you're with
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 4/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I'm not sure if their website is hilarious on purpose, or by accident. Beer Advocate says that this is brewed by Moosehead, which I can't figure out. This is a fruit-mold tasting standard Canadian macro-pacro. You can almost feel the fruit flies starting to swarm as you pour it. What's the deal with fruit flies anyways? I'd like to make a pitch that they are the cutest and least offensive of all household pests. Really, they're quite helpful. You see those little buggers flying around and realize "oop! Time to throw out the tomato rotting on my counter!". Thank you, noble and under appreciated fruit fly.

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Beer #444 of 3,652

Shiner Light

Shiner Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 11% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 2nd
Cost: $1.00
Tasted on: 7/2/10
Colours of label: Silver/Red/Blue
Drank From: Red Man Mug

Label Reads: “Handcrafted with small-town pride in Shiner, Texas. Since 1909, the Little Brewery has been the source of every drop of Shiner Beer. We hope you enjoy this beer with the same passion that went into brewing it. Prosit! Munich malt and select hops are carefully chosen to brew this full-flavored amber light beer. Brewed in small batches, Shiner Light doesn't look like ordinary light beer, or taste like it either. Since 1909 our brewery, our pride. Here in Shiner, Texas (Pop. 2,070) we've been handcrafting beer for nearly a century. All this experience went into brewing a full-flavored light beer our local folks could call their own. In fact, every bottle of Shiner Light is signed by a citizen to certify that only this light beer is good enough to carry the Shiner name. Lynda Hybner (*fake signature*)”

website: www.shiner.com
Best for: rasslin'
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This is a carbonated barley soda. After all that talk, after all that bullshit on the label... you... you mean to say you've safeguarded this beer by having a "citizen" autograph the bottle to prevent crap beer fraud? Maybe Miller High Life Lite should have protected their own stock as closely when you stole it and dumped it into your own bottles. C'mon now.

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Beer #434 of 3,652

Russell Rocky Mountain Pilsner

Russell Rocky Mountain Pilsner
Type of beer: Canadian Pilsner
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 11/15/09
Colours of label: Silver/Green/Black
Drank From: Pils Glass
Label Reads: "Canadian Style Pilsner", "Crisp. Clean. Natural"
website: www.russellbeer.com/
Best for: Wrapping it up
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 0/10
Handwritten notes: Ugh, a pissy Canadian perversion of the Pilsner name. Hosers, let's put our heads together and think of a new name for "Canadian Pilsner". Every time I think "Pilsner" I think of a citrussy and bitter refreshing as fuck beverage. My mouth waters as I twist off the cap of a Canadian Pilsner, hoping that (just once) a Canadian brewery will get it right. Instead it's a Labatt Blue clone that's not worth much more than the 10 cent bottle deposit. Blah.
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Beer #369 of 3,652

Hop Hound Amber Ale

Hop Hound Amber Wheat
Type of beer: 355 mL bottle
Container Type: Pale Ale
Alcohol by volume: 5.30%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 15% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 10/25/09
Colours of label: Red/Yellow/Gold
Drank From: Glass
Label Reads: "Unfiltered American amber wheat ale brewed with a blend of imported and domestic hops for a balanced, slightly citrus hop aroma and caramel, malty taste".
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/

Best for: putting a ribbon on your prize pig
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10
Handwritten notes: Yuck. Is this gluten-free? Something's missing. As I took a sip my face contorted into the mug of a five year old eating Brussels sprouts for the first time. Personally, I love Brussels sprouts, but this beer is sick. It tastes like crap beer with a bunch of sugar and bran flakes added to it. This is the first Michelob product I have ever had in my life. Good God, America, I am so sorry. I am so sorry you have to deal with this garbage. I imagine this beer is what rednecks buy when they win ten bucks on a scratch and win and want to "spoil themselves".

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Beer #334 of 3,652

Yankee Jim Ice Honey

Yankee Jim Ice Honey
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 472 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.5%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 13% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $2.90
Tasted on: 7/27/09
Colours of label: Black/Yellow/Silver
Drank From: Mug

Label Reads: "Crafted with pure Adirondack honey then matured over time to create an extremely smooth and refreshing taste."

website: n/a
Best for: Playing it close to the vest
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Again, what is this Yankee Jim stuff? There's about 5 different types of it in Kenora, Ontario. This beer tastes like a hangover. A sickening sweet taste that coats the mouth and makes you reach for the Aspirin. Is this the YJ premium offering? They say that your taste buds mature. You enjoy sugary tastes as a child to ensure you are well-fed with high caloric foods. As you grow, you begin to prefer bitter tastes so you get the vitamins you need to withstand aging. This beer is sweet and bitter. The kid in me wants to vomit. And the grown-up in me wants to smack the kid in me in the face for being a smart-mouth.

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Beer #244 of 3,652

Olde English "800"

**Parental Advisory - Explicit Review**
Olde English "800"

Type of beer: Malt Liquor

Container Type: 40 oz (1180 mL) bottle

Alcohol by volume: 8.0%

Country of origin: United States

Rating: 10% (see below)

Number of times I've had this beer: 2

Cost: $5.90

Tasted on: 7/24/09

Colours of label: Gold/Maroon

Drank From: Straight out the 8-bottle. Do I look like a mutha-fuckin' role model?

Label Reads: "Malt Liquor"

website: n/a

Best for: smokin' motha-fuckas like it ain't no thang.

Ratings:

Taste: 1/20

Flavour: 0/20

Buy again: 2/20

Aroma: 0/10

Satisfaction: 5/10

Complexity: 0/10

Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This tastes like if you drank apple juice from a public bathroom urinal. This beer makes me want to spit. I'm not really one of those dudes who walks down the street just spitting for the fuck of it. But this beer gets in your mouth something fierce. I got this 40 in Kenora, Ontario. They stopped selling it in Manitoba for what I can only imagine are safety reasons. Folks, I can say that I haven't been hung over since the Christmas holidays of 2007. But the frickin' 8-ball got me bustin' phat freestyles: "don't drink brass monkey... like to be funky... nickname McTiggs, yo, 8-ball junkie. Old Bard'll get stupid when I'm full of the 8-ball... I might stumble, but still won't lose... now I'm dressed in the county blues. OLD BARD'S FUCKED UP AND GOT THE 8-BALL ROLLIN'."

I took this one for the team. Mark my words: Never again. Lest I forget.

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Beer #231 of 3,652

Old Milwaukee Ice

Old Milwaukee Ice
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.5%
Country of origin: Canada/United States
Rating: 12% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 100+
Cost: $1.85
Tasted on: 7/19/09
Colours of label: Silver/Blue/White
Drank From: can
Label Reads: "Since 1984", "Premium Quality", "Brewed in Canada"
website: www.oldmilwaukee.com/
Best for: Cleaning the slate
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 0/10

Handwritten notes: This is Old Milwaukee's retarded brother. When I was into the Old Mils a few years back I would walk into the vendor after a particularly bad day and say "6 Old Mill Blue labels". 3 hours later, the day would be a blur and life would not be so hard. Usually, I find that higher ABV beers accentuate flavours of otherwise flavourless beers. This version of Old Mill just accentuates the garbage juice flavour.

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Beer #229 of 3,652

Black Ice

Black Ice
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 6.1%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 14% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 12+
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 7/1/09
Colours of label: Black/Silver/Blue
Drank From: Mug
Label Reads: "strong beer"
website: www.molson.com
Best for: darning socks
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: I once knew a fellah who only drank Black Ice. Later in life he went to prison for 2 years because he was associated with the Hell's Angels and was caught with a bunch of semi-automatic guns. Ah. Sometimes I wish these things I wrote were not true. Many beers can carry a high ABV without much fuss. This bugger throws a sickly-sweet tantrum that makes you wish you had that vasectomy when you had the chance.

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Beer #208 of 3,652

Great Western Light

Great Western Light
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 6/27/09
Colours of label: Gold/Red/Black
Drank From: GW Glass

Label Reads: "Gold Medal Winner", "Monde Selection Quality Excellence Award", "Congratulations. You now have in your hands a refreshing, smooth and well-balanced premium beer made with the finest Saskatchewan barley. On behalf of the men and women who carefully craft Great Western right here on the prairies, thank you for choosing our beer. Cheers".

website: www.greatwesternbrewing.com
Best for: taking your chances
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 1/20
Buy again: 3/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: The best thing about this is that I got a stainless steel barbecue flipper for free with a purchase of an 8 pack. I'm not one to criticize business acumen (or any other acumen for that matter), but giving away a barbecue flipper whose value far exceeds the price paid for the beer may be poor business practice. I could see a t-shirt or a hat, because you're in essence advertising for the company. But I can count on one severed foot all of the people in the world who have ever studied closely my current barbecue flipper. Anyways, this is a light an flavourless piece of crap one step above Pabst but less appealing that toilet water.

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Beer #202 of 3,652

Russell Cactus Lime Lager

Russell Cactus Lime Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 341 mL
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 13% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $2.00
Tasted on: 6/30/09
Colours of label: Green/Silver/White
Drank From: mug
Label Reads: "Lime flavoured beer"
website: www.russellbeer.ca/index.asp
Best for: buying "Guess Jeans"
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Have you ever had lime Perrier? Well, you've had this bullshit beer too then. Please remove your children from the room... are they gone? Good. Fuck beer fads!! Fuck them all the way to fucking hell. If I have to hear one more fucking douchebag retard ask the vendor worker "you got any Bud Light Lime?" and then hear "nope, we're all sold out", I will fucking scream. Fuck this. Beer has been around for thousands of years, and we're trying to put new spins on it. FUCK! I saw that even Big Rock has come out with one. Ugh. That's like being ratted out to the cops by your own mother. Folks, in real life I do have high blood pressure and it's because of crap like this. Happy 200, Bard. I got you a nice present. Oh, I wonder what it is... let's see here... oh... lime flavoured beer. Well... thanks.

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Beer #200 of 3,652

Brahma

Brahma
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.8%
Country of origin: Brazil
Rating: 12% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Cost: $1.75
Tasted on: 6/24/09
Colours of label: Red/White/Gold
Drank From: Heinie glass
Label Reads: "Imported from Brasil"
website: www.brahma.com
Best for: doing anything topless
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Brazil is famous for making crotches and beers as smooth as the nose of an airplane. Unfortunately that leaves this beer without any personality. A mild tasting pale lager, with far-off howlings of smokiness and lime. Otherwise, it's flavourless. That is, there is just enough flavour to be offensive. Cool bottle though. Nice glasswork.

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Beer #196 of 3,652

Kokanee

Kokanee Glacier Beer
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 17% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 12+
Cost: $1.25
Tasted on: 6/7/09
Colours of label: Blue/White
Drank From: Glass

Label Reads: "Cool, crisp, glacier-fresh taste from B.C.'s mountain brewery", "Every drop of Kokanee is brewed right here in Creston, B.C."

website: http://www.kokaneebeer.ca/
Best for: Construction workers and people who use "party" as a verb
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This beer tries to make itself sound like a micro brew. It is not. It is an over-carbonated macro (over-carbonation = "crisp") with less of an attempt at flavour than most macros (less flavour = "cool"). When I was a young man Kokanee would hide a picture of a little hiker somewhere on the picture of the mountain on the bottle. It was devilish fun to try and find him. If this company spent less time trying to amuse people and more time making beer, the 20-something unshaven jeans and t-shirt jerks of the world would have to move on to a different beer.

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Beer #187 of 3,652