A Treatise on Two Governments (and their beer)

I have just arrived home from a trip to the lovely United States of America, in particular the States of North Dakota and Minnesota. I brought back with me about 30 different beers native to the US, ranging from pure crap to top-notch. The reviews for these will follow over the next few days and/or weeks. I also sampled far more than my fair share whilst lounging in various hot tubs.

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A few generalizations have occurred to me, a few observations, and a few comparisons as well. These may or may not hold more true as I sift through the fridge full of suds I brought back.

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Generalization 1: American beer is one of two varieties - (a) cheap, mass produced watery nonsense, and (b) micro-brewed or otherwise "flavourful beer". The thing about the mass-produced beer is that you can't really get drunk or hungover on it. You just get sick, same as if you drank too much soda. The thing about "flavourful beers" is that they all have the same distinct taste. It's not bad, not at all. But it all kind of tastes like a good IPA. I had a lager, a pale ale, a porter, an IPA, and a dark lager that (but for the colour) had very little taste difference. What's the deal?

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Comparison 1: In Canada there are mass-produced garbage juice beers, and there are micro-brews, or craft beers. All of the Canadian micro-brews have different tastes. That is, they all don't taste like Sam Adam's dink. Advantage: Canada.

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Generalization 2: I spent quite a long time in American beer stores over the past week. I did not see anyone even look at the micro-brews. I saw person after person, after person, after person, load up their carts with Miller Lite, Keystone, Coors Light, and so on. Perhaps this is just because North Dakota residents are too far removed from good taste.

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Comparison 2: In the US, you can buy 30 cheap crap beers for $12. In Canada there are three ranges of price: cheap (at about $7.50 for a six), macro (about $10.00 for a six), and import (usually around $2.25 per bottle). In the USA beers can go on sale, depending on the store's whim. In Canada the government gets it paws into everything. You can buy beer in two places in Canada: a beer vendor (or just a "vendor") which by law must be annexed to a hotel, or the LCC (or the "LC"). That stands for the "Liquor Control Commission", and is run by the government. In both cases, the purveyor of beer must charge what the government tells them to charge. No more, no less. You can't shop around. And the selection everywhere is identical. On the other hand, it is not hard to find beer in Canada. I live nestled in the suburbs and there are 6 vendors and 3 LCs within 10 minutes drive of my house. Advantage: USA.

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Observation 1: the sheer variety of beer that can be found at any liquor store in the US is staggering. If I lived there I could easily die of liver failure long before I complete this project.

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Observation 2: I dislike beer fads. And I now feel that this whole "white beer" business is one big fad. I thought that it was becoming popular in my country due to 2 or 3 Canadian companies. Not so. I ordered a Blue Moon in a bar (not knowing what it was) only to be handed a frothy mug of this White beer. It was good, but still...

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Comparison 3: the amount of merchandising and advertising that backs American macros is ridiculous. At any given time I could look up and see a Miller Lite billboard. In America I could go into any general merchandise store and walk out with souvenirs of all sorts (t-shirts, mugs, coasters, buckets, bottle openers, vibrators, hats, posters, and so on). And I would have to pay extra money for the privilege of showing everyone I love Rolling Rock. In Canada most of this crap comes inside beer cases as a promotion, and for free. I don't think I've ever seen a Molson Canadian shirt for sale. But, dunder-headed Canadians that we are, we get the free shit from the beer case and wear it everywhere. "Yeah, that's right, I love Kokanee. Just look at my t-shirt". Advantage: Canada (but only slightly).

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Comparison 4: in Canada, facts such as the amount of beer in any given container and the ABV must be listed on the product. Also, in Canada you are charged 10 cents per can and bottle as a deposit always. However, "empties" can only be returned to the "vendor" (see above). By and large, the fellow or chick working at the vendor will be displeased with having to accept your empties. (Kind of like a barber who is displeased at cutting hair, if you ask me.) In America, the ABV is generally not listed on the beer bottle or can itself. I have had to research it through the power of the Internet. I also find some of these ABVs highly suspect (5% for Pabst? I think not - and that's not my preconceived notions of the superior alcohol content of Canadian beer). Someone is fudging the numbers here. In America I was not charged for container deposit. This also means that bottles are usually more expensive than cans (let's see - $6.99 for 6 Pabst bottles, or $3.99 for six cans. Hmmm). Advantage: even.

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Observation the last: Whether it's Canada, or the USA, now is a great time to be alive and be a lover of good beer. I'm old enough now to know that 10 years ago, things were much different in both countries. Viva la revolution and keep on rockin' in the free world!