Bard's Beer Project

Maccabee Lager Beer

2011-09-05T15:15:00.003-05:00

Maccabee Lager Beer
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Israel
Rating: 23% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.tempo.co.il
Best for: being out of your element
Ratings:
Taste: 5/20
Flavour: 5/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This is nearly flavourless, even more so than an American macro light. Only a lingering sour tinge of honey saves it from being vomited off my balcony in disgust. Have I lost my sense of taste from gratuitous tobacco use? Nah, the IPA I just had was boss. This beer is just "there" like the Kool-Aid your friend's mom watered down to "cut back on the sugar". Get real.

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Beer #543 of 3,652

Fort Garry Premium Light

2011-09-05T15:00:00.005-05:00

Fort Garry Premium Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 3% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3rd
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.fortgarry.com/
Best for: Skipping a light fandango
Ratings:
Taste: 1/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Fort Garry Light. Fort... Garry... Light. FGL. I don't even know what to say anymore. Uhh... think Bard, think. What would a jag-off Beer Advocate reviewer write? "it pours a golden straw colour and smells lightly malty..." go fuck yourself! It's shit!

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Beer #542 of 3,652

Lucky Bucket Certified Evil

2011-09-05T14:45:00.003-05:00

Lucky Bucket Certified Evil
Type of beer: Dark Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 12.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 76% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 4th
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.luckybucketbrewing.com/
Best for: Climbing ropes
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Ahhh.... hmmm. A strange dark Ale full of evil. I'm not sure if beer companies use names like this to hype their beer for the same reason that specialty hot sauces use names like "suicide" "mouth inferno" and "scrotum piercing". This beer has that old chocolate malt but... bah? Bitter hops? The taste lingering on the palate is porter but the lingering sensation is bitterness. Well, on that note, I'm shnockered.

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Beer #541 of 3,652

Tatra

2011-09-05T14:35:00.002-05:00

Tatra
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Poland
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 2nd
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.zywiec.com.pl/
Best for: Fantasizing
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 7/10
Handwritten notes: This is a mish-mash of I dunno what. Electric tinny bitter hops, brown sugar caramel malts and lay-low fizziness. I have no idea what kind of beer this is... it could be a blend of other beers for all I know. Just like Coke and Sprite mixed together, it's not bad, really, but not worth the $4.25 price tag.
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Beer #540 of 3,652

New Belgium Somersault

2011-09-05T14:23:00.005-05:00

New Belgium Somersault
Type of beer: Blonde Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.newbelgium.com/
Best for: Tumbling
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Is this an amber or a blonde? What's the fecking difference anyways? This has a plummy/pruney base and a hop-top. Luckily it does not assault you with any particular flavour and you are left with a "beerey" aftertaste. There is definitely a transition of flavour going on. Somersaults are easy. Cartwheels are hard. I can do one but I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. When's the last time you (yeah, you) did a cartwheel or somersault? That's why growing up sucks. That's why.

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Beer #539 of 3,652

Tomyknocker Maple Nut Brown Ale

2011-09-05T14:11:00.002-05:00

Tomyknocker Maple Nut Brown Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 68% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://tommyknocker.com/
Best for: Posing for a photo
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Not so bad as I expected, a lispy maple (almost brown thugary). The maple does not distract too badly from the standard brown ale flavour. Not as solid as the Cannery Brewing version, but still a good use of Canada's blood.

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Beer #538 of 3,652

Red Horse Beer

2011-08-29T20:34:00.002-05:00

Red Horse Beer
Type of beer: Malt Liquor
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.00%
Country of origin: Philippines
Rating: 2% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.sanmiguel.com.ph/
Best for: Yelling
Ratings:
Taste: 0/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 0/10

Handwritten notes: Alright, down by 2. It's the fourth quarter and you've used all your timeouts. Your QB just spiked the ball at the 25 yard line with 3 seconds to go. Here comes your field goal kicker, perfect this year so far. Here's the snap... the hold.. and it's... no good!!!! Disgusting candy yuck swirl.

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Beer #537 of 3,652

Lost Coast Great White

2011-08-29T20:22:00.003-05:00

Lost Coast Great White
Type of beer: White Beer
Container Type: 1 pint 6 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 73% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.lostcoast.com/
Best for: The dead of summer
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a very peachy/apricotty swoosh in the old kisser. Pineapple? Something orange or yellowy/orange. Not too bad a way to spend a hot summer night. I like a lot of what Lost Coast has done but they need to cool it with the cutsie labels. No more Freddie Mercury looking sharks, no more acid trip tangerine suns. The thing about cutsie labels is that I always think the company is trying too hard because their beer is shite. Just play it cool, LC. Play it cool.

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Beer #536 of 3,652

St. Sylvestre Du Moulin Pilsner

2011-08-29T20:03:00.004-05:00

St. Sylvestre Du Moulin Pilsner
Type of beer: Pilsner
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.30 %
Country of origin: France
Rating: 33% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.brasserie-st-sylvestre.com/
Best for: hanging ten
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: This pours stupidly clear. It tastes like steel dust. I had a fuck of a time at the LC trying to figure out the country of origin on this sucker. It just says "European Beer". There's a picture of a windmill on the can. That's like putting "Asian Beer" on a bottle. This beer ain't no good. It would not surprise me one iota to find out it's some generic grocery store brand from France. Right there next to "No Name" Brie and "Our Compliments" baguettes.

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Beer #535 of 3,652

Tommyknocker Jack Whacker Wheat Ale

2011-08-28T21:21:00.004-05:00

Tommyknocker Jack Whacker Wheat Ale
Type of beer: Wheat Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 35% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://tommyknocker.com/
Best for: Fuck
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: I have to be honest with you people. Well, let me be really honest. I know no one reads this but drunken frat boys at 3:00 a.m. google imaging Keystone Light for a new avatar for their fucking Axis & Allies message board. So. Even so. I looked at this beer and I was upset. "Ale brewed with Lemon Grass". Great. Vague AC/DC innuendo abut jerking off. Perfect. I actually said "I'm sick of this project" (for reals). I've never said that before. Even in my year long hiatus I was dutifully taking pics and making notes. But.. wheat beer? You and I are done, ok? I'm going to stay at my sister's till we figure this out. But I know I don't love you. I never loved you. You keep the kids.

The actual review is as follows: I taste not lemon-grass. I taste weak iced-tea with wheat beer on the label. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Okay.

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Beer #534 of 3,652

Mongozo Premium Pilsener

2011-08-28T21:12:00.003-05:00

Mongozo Premium Pilsener
Type of beer: Pilsner
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Netherlands
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Pilly glass
website: http://www.mongozo.com/
Best for: Saving the world and shit
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Best gluten free beer ever. But I guess that's like winning the "best smile" contest in London. That's right, limeys, I went there. It could be the simple fact that it is 1:00 a.m. when I'm writing this, and I'm not "driving around" sober. But this ain't a bad tasting beer. Sort of a dusty manufactured taste but, garsh help me, a hell of a lot better than a lot of beers.

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Beer #533 of 3,652

Rogue Chipotle Ale

2011-08-28T20:59:00.004-05:00

Rogue Chipotle Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 87% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.rogue.com/
Best for: Paying customers only!
Ratings:
Taste: 17/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 19/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 10/10

Handwritten notes: This review I'm doing "on the fly" (drinking as I type). The first thing I said to the clerk in buying this beer was "that sounds like a terrible idea". People, I love hot peppers. I currently have 20 different strains growing. With that said, to be more brutally honest I am not having a good intestine day. So much so that I was forced to make a white-knuckle stop at a Subway bathroom. Even so, I am drinking this beer -- and it is good. The taste is almost like a rauchbier, except that, as time goes by, the back of your throat does battle with a wee bit of capsicum. This is the first beer that actually tastes good when you belch it up. I'm in love.

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Beer #532 of 3,652

Tree Brewing Hefeweizen

2011-08-28T20:44:00.003-05:00

Tree Brewing Hefeweizen
Type of beer: Hefeweizen
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 70% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.treebeer.com/
Best for: Dreaming
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: A somewhat standard heffer, much less abrasive than I would have expected. The label points to banana and clove flavours, but I taste a predominant anise/black licorice flavour. Smooth. Smooth move, ex-lax. Remember that shit? What the Funk & Wagnalls does that mean? Anyways, they should make laxatives that taste like this beer. If they did, I'd never be off the shitter. And was there really a guy named John Crapper? Ahh, that's for another time.

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Beer #531 of 3,652

Muskoka Hefe-Weissbier

2011-08-22T21:11:00.004-05:00

Muskoka Hefe-Weissbier
Type of beer: Hefeweizen
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 40% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 2nd
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.muskokabrewery.com/
Best for: Tubin'
Ratings:
Taste: 8/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: The can says "The taste of cottage country". I'm not sure, but I think that means it tastes like a public bathroom and Muskol. There's only a cinna-mini stick hint to tell me it's a weizen. It pours crystal clear which is kind of sickening. How come everybody in Winnipeg just says "I'm going to the lake". There's like 20,000 lakes (no exaggeration) within 3 hours drive yet everyone just says "the lake". Fuck it, I'll be downtown refereeing bum fights in some greasy grey back alley. Enjoy your nature, jerks.

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Beer #530 of 3,652

Flying Dog Kerberos Tripel

2011-08-22T21:03:00.002-05:00

Flying Dog Kerberos Tripel
Type of beer: Tripel
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 76% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://flyingdogales.com/
Best for: going 10 rounds
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is a juicy type tripel with a pleasant back o' the throat bite and a sweet alcohol fade. A punchy-punch head swimmer. I would like to drink like 6 of these and then try and paint a bowl of fruit. It would likely end up being a doodle of a giant robot fighting a tank and Ernie taking bong hits.

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Beer #529 of 3,652

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale

2011-08-18T20:13:00.002-05:00

Brooklyn Brewing East India Pale Ale
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.brooklynbrewery.com/
Best for: Watching old GI JOE cartoons
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Really. Okay. Picture the IPA in your gullet. Bitter pamplemousse and papillon flavours flying around your mind. And potpourri, speaking of beautiful french "p" words. I love a good chicken potpourri on a cold day. Ha ha... hmmm.

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Beer #528 of 3,652

Bedele Gold Label Special Beer

2011-08-18T19:59:00.005-05:00

Bedele Gold Label Special Beer
Type of beer: Export Lager
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Ethiopia
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: n/a
Best for:
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Ethiopia, really? No wonder every time I see Ethiopians on tv they have distended stomachs and have flies buzzing around them. It's beer bellies and beer stench, not starvation and poverty! Gimme back those pennies I put in the Unicef box last Halloween! That might be the most tasteless comment I have ever made. Even so, this beer looks like (and tastes like) the beer from that scene in Strange Brew where they pour their dad a beer from the dog food dish. See this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GogRZwFXoA
A sickly sweet beer that sticks to your hateful soul.

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Beer #527 of 3,652

Old Milwaukee Light

2011-08-15T20:56:00.004-05:00

Old Milwaukee Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 12 oz can
Alcohol by volume: 3.88%
Country of origin: United
Rating: 15% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6th
Drank From: Affy Glass
website: www.oldmilwaukee.com/
Best for: Shirtless Sundays
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 4/10
Handwritten notes: Ladies and gentlemen, the genius of Mr. John Prine:

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Beer #526 of 3,652

Hockley Black & Tan

2011-08-15T20:38:00.006-05:00

Hockley Black and Tan
Type of beer:Black and Tan
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 65% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.hockleybeer.ca/
Best for: Stamping out racism
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 14x/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Black and tan, in a can? I would so drink it, in a car, I would so drink it with a star, I would so drink it near and far, I would so drink it, at a bar. I dunno. But this is a smooth malt pleaser that moseys down your throat on a summer night. I would so drink it, in my plight, I would so drink it, and start a fight, I would so drink it, in the morning light.

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Beer #525 of 3,652

Muskoka Dark Ale

2011-08-15T20:27:00.002-05:00

Muskoka Dark Ale
Type of beer: Brown Ale
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 30% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.muskokabrewery.com/
Best for: Cotta-hey country
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 3/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: If I had a cottage you'd all be invited. But BYOB. You can even sleep in the bunk house. This smoky light keeps me wishing for the days of the iron curtain and the terror that Nikolai Volkoff struck in my heart. Because now I feel nothing, like some dude put 2 drops of liquid smoke in my Keystone Light. Thanx, but no thanx.

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Beer #524 of 3,652

Waterloo Wheat

2011-08-15T20:19:00.005-05:00

Waterloo Wheat
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 11% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.brickbeer.com/
Best for: Sunshiney memories
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: What is this lemonade honey vanilla bean banana peel glass of swill? This is the yellowest fucking beer I've ever tasted. You could freeze it and sell it to unsuspecting children on a summer's afternoon from your rapist-van cranking a tinny medley of "Baby Elephant Walk" and "Maple Leaf Rag". Good gracious, I think I just ate a yellow gumball.

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Beer #523 of 3,652

Tripel Karmeliet

2011-08-15T19:55:00.004-05:00

Tripel Karmeliet
Type of beer: Tripel
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.40%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 81% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.bestbelgianspecialbeers.be/
Best for: a Moondance
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 17/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Aww, nice. That old strange yellow fruity taste and peppery finish. Every once in a while when you get down in the mouth about life, and you find yourself lacking the energy to tie your shoes and you find yourself getting up from your recliner to get 2 beers (both for yourself), throw a tripel down your neck. Liquid Prozac, pals.

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Beer #522 of 3,652

Estrella Damm Inedit

2011-07-14T21:17:00.004-05:00

Estrella Damm Inedit
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 750 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: Spain
Rating: 73% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Afflighem Glass
website: http://www.estrelladamm.com/
Best for: Coconut crusted shrimp. Or hot dogs, I don't know.
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is an very flowery, spicy (spice-like, not spicy hot) blonde-tasting beer. What's the deal with albinos? Is it wrong that they make me vomit in my throat? This beer has to be a blonde... if it is, I win the Olympics again (**checked - wrong! No Olympics this year**). Somehow the mouth-coating sweetness carries a distinctive honey and caramel, but lightly. This beer is meant to be dranken with a meal, or so the little pamphlet says. I may be so crude that my name ought to be Phillip Stein but this whole matching beer and food idea means nothing to me. I just don't get it, like those old 3D eye pictures. I never got those either, ever. People were like ooh! a rocket ship! and all I ever saw was cat vomit. I tried (both matching beer with food and 3D posters). Believe me, I've tried.

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Beer #521 of 3,652

Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA

2011-07-11T21:40:00.003-05:00

Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.10%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://flyingdogales.com/
Best for: Inter-netting
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Hahahaha I see why they call it Snake Dog. It snakes on you! Hahahaha. I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD. I don't believe in cutsie abbreviations or finding euphemisms for grapefruit IPAs. I am a fan of sarcasm. So everyone knows there's no word that rhymes with orange. Well, nothing rhymes with grapefruit either. Or lemon. Or kumquat. Well, kumquat, okay, but the rest not. This IPA is soul warming and makes you think like a 1980s stand up comedian. I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY ANUS OFF.

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Beer #520 of 3,652

Sierra Nevada Double IPA

2011-07-11T21:20:00.004-05:00

Sierra Nevada Double IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz.
Alcohol by volume: 8.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.sierranevada.com/
Best for: likin' it raw
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 5/10
Handwritten notes:
Hippa to da hoppa and you just don't stoppa!

I have no words better than that. Go to beer camp and create this. I'm going to Canadian macro beer camp this summer. I'm going to recommend a musky-cellar tin wash bin beer. Hey, and we'll call it a pilsner. Revolutionary!

I keep my breath smellin' like beer so I can get drunky.
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Beer #519 of 3,652

Abbot Ale

2011-07-11T21:05:00.002-05:00

Abbot Ale
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: pint can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: England
Rating: 48% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.greeneking.co.uk/
Best for: Sick-ass Monday
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 9/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know about this beer, it kind of makes me feel queasy like chugging an Orange Crush. Very fruity and sugary flavours present. It's almost like a rotten woody-fruity taste, like that old plum tree my grandparents had where the plums would fall off and rot and you'd walk by on the way to the outhouse in September and say "whew! who's been drinkin'?". A cheek-painting sour bitterness finishes it off. Why is it that British food is all meat and pastry and beans and root vegetables? All they eat is brown and almost-brown food and then wonder why they're pasty faced weaklings? Smart folks, though. Smart folks.

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Beer #518 of 3,652

Lucky Buddha Beer

2011-07-05T21:43:00.003-05:00

Lucky Buddha Beer
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: China
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.luckydrinkco.com/
Best for: looking at trees
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Fucking Buddhists don't know the meaning of sacrilegious. Some beer bottle with the smiling face of Jesus or Muhammad would undoubtedly incite some divinely justifiable bloodshed. But the Buddhists just sit there in the corner, smoking weed and thinking about the human condition. This beer has that greazy Oriental feel with a floral backdrop. So, in conclusion, buy Rucky. But don't desire it. Existence is suffering. It ends when you're drunk.

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Beer #517 of 3,652

Schoenling Little Kings Original Cream Ale

2011-07-05T21:22:00.004-05:00

Schoenling Little Kings Original Cream Ale
Type of beer: Cream Ale
Container Type: 7 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 25% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Jennifer 1992 Glass
website: http://hudepohlbeer.com/
Best for: chasing a rabbit
Ratings:
Taste: 6/20
Flavour: 4/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Tastes strongly of manufactured malt and the tinny flavour of old coffee grounds and well water. There is a smoothness to the finish, but an unpleasant minerally aftertaste. I like the small bottle though. I grabbed it and I says to the wife, I says "look at me I'm Paul fuckin' Bunyan". True story.

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Beer #516 of 3,652

Thwaites Very Nutty Black

2011-07-04T21:16:00.002-05:00

Thwaites Very Nutty Black
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 3.90%
Country of origin: England
Rating: 63% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.thwaites.co.uk/
Best for: Pondering Rubik's Cube
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This smells like a very ordinary dark ale, but tastes very unique. You are met with an almost sour bite that sticks to your lips like citric acid. Further on, a faint licorice and almost Amaretto taste. Weird, different, but as busy as Rodney Dangerfield's tie.

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Beer #515 of 3,652

Shock Top Belgian White

2011-07-04T20:55:00.003-05:00

Shock Top Belgian White
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 31% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shocktopbeer.com
Best for: Hot dog day
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know about you guys but when I was a little kid we had "hot dog days" at school where you could buy a hot dog for a dollar for lunch over lunch-hour. They were served in the school gym. That smell of cheap ass chicken wieners and gym floor haunts my soul to this day. What they served with this feast was some watery "orange drink" served from big yellow and red coolers with the McDonald's logo on it. That tasteless "orange drink" showed up at most school events in the gym, science fairs, choir concerts, track and field days, and so on. That sick watery orange flavour (as imprinted on my brain as gym sweat and processed chicken) is this beer. Yum. Drink up.

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Beer #514 of 3,652

Sierra Nevada Juniper Black Ale

2011-07-04T20:40:00.004-05:00

Sierra Nevada Juniper Black Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 55% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.sierranevada.com/
Best for: nightmares
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 4/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Ohhh, come on Sierra Nevada. Come on. You're going to hop monster me with a dark beer? Close your eyes, think double IPA. Guess what? Double IPA. Fuckin' invite me to your dumb ass beer camp next year and I guarantee my revolutionary idea will not be "the same old beer... just black." I'll fresh idear the fuck out of y'alls. Certainly not black hopmonster, or blackhopula, blackhopenstein or any variation thereof.

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Beer #513 of 3,652

Kronenbourg 1664

2011-06-30T22:19:00.003-05:00

Kronenbourg 1664
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: France
Rating: 43% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit Glass
website: http://www.brasseries-kronenbourg.com
Best for: Impersonating a millionaire
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 9/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 4/10

Handwritten notes: Skunk-stink, but only a light skunk-stink, if that helps. A bit less bitter and softer around the corners than I expected. Weird, like there may be Cascade detergent in it. Buy it so that you can ask your friends (or relatives, or prostitutes you've paid to wear spider-man tights and tickle your feet) "who wants a Kronenbourg??"

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Beer #512 of 3,652

Wittekerke

2011-06-30T21:59:00.002-05:00

Wittekerke
Type of beer: White
Container Type: 11.2 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 60% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.bavik.be/
Best for: Diddy wa Diddie
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 11/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: It looks like lemonade. It tastes like something close to lemonade. A very citrussy flowery taste, thank heavens with no aftertaste of rotten sunflower seeds. Somewhere in the cellar of taste there's the most crisp "beer" taste ever. And finally, a banana finish. Ahh, esters, that strange science that makes beers taste like fruit. But why the hell does fresh laid tar smell like sesame snaps? Oh, what a world.

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Beer #511 of 3,652

Kasteel Rouge

2011-06-28T21:25:00.003-05:00

Kasteel Rouge
Type of beer: Fruit Ale
Container Type: 330 mL bottleE
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: Belgium
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.vanhonsebrouck.be/
Best for: Krieking one out
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I don't know if I'm being a snobbish dick, or, conversely, a dickish snob, but European fruit beers taste better. This one is simply cherries galore. The taste of cherry satisfies me because when I was a little kid and me and my little brother went to the doctor they would give us a sucker when we were done. Since he was "smaller" he always got to pick one first. He always took the last red one (cherry). I got what was left... let's see... yellow, green, orange... these... they... they're all fucking citrus!! This jealousy brought me to beat my brother mercilessly for many, many years. But, no, we had fun.

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Beer #510 of 3,652

Boulevard Pale Ale

2011-06-28T21:15:00.006-05:00

Boulevard Pale Ale
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.boulevard.com
Best for: Quiet reflection
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a light and citrussy, pretty good, but not a stand out PA. Listen, Boulevard. You remember what I said about Lunar Ale? I just don't think you're getting the Jeff Lynne. Peep this:

Know it. Live it.
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Beer #509 of 3,652

Spaten Optimator

2011-06-28T20:58:00.003-05:00

Spaten Optimator
Type of beer: Doppelbock
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.20%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.spatenbraeu.de/
Best for: car-pooling
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 13/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This tastes very bock-like. I can't tell by the bottle if it's really a bock. If it is, I win. I win the Olympics. If not, then boo. (**Confirmed! I win the Olympics!**). Somehow I find this name to be super bad-ass. But if you go around saying "Spaten Optimator Dopplebock" it sounds like you've got a mouthful of marbles. This has a deep caramel taste with floral notes that I was hoping Beck's Dark would carry. Very smooth and syrupy, but pleasantly so. Well, as they say in Germany, "C'est la vie".

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Beer #508 of 3,652

Big Rock Gopher Lager

2011-06-28T20:46:00.003-05:00

Big Rock Gopher Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 5
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.bigrockbeer.com/
Best for: having a fucking cook-out
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: There is something in the first sip that screams "Big Rock". You faithful reader(s) will know by now about my romanticized Big Rock past, 14 years ago, scouting out Big Rock Pale Ale at only "discerning" vendors for $9.10 per six pack, sitting in my room drinking alone listening to Morrison Hotel. In those days you could take $20, get a six pack and a pack of smokes and still have $5 left. Big Rock was miles above any shit beer I'd ever tasted. There is something in the maltiness of this beer and uniquely bitter hops that takes me back to that basement bedroom, lit by Christmas lights even in the middle of July. Ah... scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind.

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Beer #507 of 3,652

Half Pints Weizen Heimer

2011-06-26T21:12:00.004-05:00

Half Pints Weizen Heimer
Type of beer: Hefeweizen
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.0%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 73% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6
Drank From: Big Rock Glass
website: www.halfpintsbrewing.com/
Best for: tuning your radio
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: (How old is this review? Over a year and a half I think. The bottle is covered in dust. I remember the spring of 2010... not really)

A strong-ass banana "naner sammij" flavour, but a wheaty-bitter finish like I've never had. It's not a citrus finish, there's no lemon or orange in this one. Nor does there appear to be any coriander, fennel, cumin, cardamom, saffron, or nutmeg. Did you know you can get real messed up on nutmeg? Look it up people. Whatever that means, this is a refreshing take on the usual whites. All white people look alike to me, anyways.

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Beer #506 of 3,652

St. Pauli Girl

2011-06-26T20:52:00.003-05:00

St. Pauli Girl
Type of beer: Pilsner
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 59% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Pil Glass
website: http://www.stpauligirl.com/
Best for: Moving ahead, so life won't pass me by
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: I saw the green bottle and got what I expected. Beck's, Lowenbrau, whatever you call yourself these days. Is there anything different in the taste to set it apart? Nah. A bit lighter mayhap? Nah. A chick with big jugs on the bottle? Yes, that sets it apart. I'm no feminist, nor am I a masculinist. But the bottle offends me. Maybe it's just there to feed your longing and sorrow. Hey, see this chick? You'll never get her. Now drink up, bucko! I... but... alright.

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Beer #505 of 3,652

George Killian's Irish Red

2011-06-23T21:14:00.003-05:00

George Killian's Irish Red
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating:48% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup (ha ha it says "moo")
website: http://www.georgekillians.com/
Best for: Listening to "Infidels"
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 9/20
Buy again: 9/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Ahh, Richard Reed's. This has a metallic tasting barbecue sauce sweetness (and I'm talking Kansas City barbecue here). Still, perhaps better than other Reds I've had, including my trip to Moscow in 1984 (waka waka). This has more of an aftertaste, which I can always appreciate. Somewhat. Killian's. Yeah, pure 100% Irish made. Puh.

The label says "21 means 21". It just made me realize how laughable the drinking age in the USA is. Kill for your country? Yes. Vote? Yes. Smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day? Sure. Buy stacks of porn and read it at a gentleman's club? Ah, why not. Have a beer after work? NO! FUCK NO!! DAMN YOU TO THE DE**L DEMON ALCOHOL!!! You Americans cling like fuck to your puritanical roots. Dude, it's 2011. Deal.
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Beer #504 of 3,652

Michelob Honey Lager

2011-06-23T21:00:00.003-05:00

Michelob Honey Lager
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 14% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.michelob.com/
Best for: Slapping your dog silly
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Oh, I get the market for Michelob now. It's diff (apostrophe) rent. It's not strange, scary, and frightening like the wicked craft beers you see. This is the kind of beer that you read the label of and know what to expect. It's good for people with anxiety disorders and the generally emotionally fragile. I have to admit, just the mention of "craft beer" makes me soil my trousers. Thank you, Michelob. You are the rock that keeps me from soaring away. Yuck.

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Beer #503 of 3,652

Michelob Amber Bock

2011-06-19T20:37:00.002-05:00

Michelob Amber Bock
Type of beer: Bock
Container Type: 12oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From:Glass
website: http://www.michelob.com/
Best for: Hot summer mornings
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Upon the first sip I did declareth "Ahhh, c'mon guys. Who are you trying to fool?" Ah, but the next sip didst foretell gentle hints of vanilla and caramel betwixt the sugary bock. Alas, followed by a flat sugar water sensation. What manner of sorcery is this? T'is strange magic, for sure.

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Beer #502 of 3,652

Grain Belt Nordeast

2011-06-19T20:10:00.003-05:00

Grain Belt Nordeast
Type of beer: Amber/Red Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 69% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer:1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup
website: http://www.schellsbrewery.com/
Best for: playing roulette
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: I bought this fully expecting not to like it. Regular Grain belt was an American nightmare. However, I've lived my life the way I have fully expecting not to live this long. Both have been somewhat pleasant surprises. It is what it is. A lot of people say that now. I prefer saying "this is this" with a distorted Bob DeNiro sneer. This beer is a bock-ish brown sugar wafer, but lighter and distinctly caramel. I love it. You buy it! You buy it! Di di mao!

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Beer #501 of 3,652

Abita Jockamo IPA

2011-06-17T22:22:00.004-05:00

Abita Jockamo IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 77% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Giny Glass
website: http://www.abita.com/
Best for: setting your flag on fire
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is an IPA that does not leave your mouth feeling violated, sitting clutching its knees in the shower in a desperate attempt to feel clean again. Now, that subtlety is unique for an IPA these days. Really though I'd prefer this sugary tartness to some "set your mouth on fire" IPA. Talkin' bout hey now.

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Beer #500 of 3,652

Foster's Premium Ale

2011-06-17T21:57:00.004-05:00

Foster's Premium Ale
Type of beer: ESB
Container Type: 25.4 oz can
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Australia
Rating: 26% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Ho-maid cup
website: http://www.fostersgroup.com/
Best for: Wasting a Sunday
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 5/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: This has a weird, vegetable like taste that makes you go... whaaa? Then it's gone, leaving only deadly metal tinny mass-produced flavours. Does Foster's make regular sized beers? I've only ever seen these double cans. They're like that over-zealous party host who insists on pouring everyone doubles with an impish snicker. Speaking of which, who do you think Paul Hogan is boning tonight?

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Beer #499 of 3,652

Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion

2011-06-15T20:46:00.005-05:00

Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 355 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 62% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://theflyingmonkeys.ca/
Best for: taking off
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: I understand being hip an modern and shit and playing the hi-fi at the sock hop and what not but I thought Robert Simpson was a classy name. Remember Confederation Amber Ale? Same company. I could tell by their smelly hippy bottle and the fact that Barrie Ontario probably couldn't handle two craft breweries. No offense, Barrionites. Even so, if you hippies are going to sell beer, don't think of a name while syncing Dark Side of the Moon with the Wizard of Oz. Now... the beer. It's a distinctly Canadian tasting beer... much like something Robert Simpson would brew. But the tinny northern molasses malts are laid over with a sort of IPA cloak. A technicolour dreamcoat that reminds us that 75% of Canadian live within 100 miles of the States. Smile on your brother.

(By the way, for you Americans, "technicolour" is a real spelling, and "the States" is what we call you. For you Canadians a "mile" is 1.609 kilometres).

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Beer #498 of 3,652

Abita Restoration Pale Ale

2011-06-15T20:31:00.004-05:00

Abita Restoration Pale Ale
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.abita.com/
Best for: organizing your pills
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Kind of a strange beer in that it doesn't come at you with claws a-flailin' but sits back in a lawn chair of clean citrus. Zows. But not zows as in busting my head off, but zows as in it comes at you straight without much fuss, letting the caramelly and citrussy flavours develop organically in your kisser. A tribute to Louisiana I guess (I just read the label - restoration refers to the rebuild after the hurricanes). To this day, the Superdome is my favourite place to get raped. Oh, c'mon now.

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Beer #497 of 3,652

North Coast Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout

2011-06-14T20:21:00.002-05:00

North Coast Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout
Type of beer: Imperial Stout
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 9.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 78% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.northcoastbrewing.com/
Best for: walking the line
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: I've actually heard quite a bit about this beer through the online grapevine. Damn you pricks with your beer blogs that actually "look good" and have "substance" and lack "fucking curse words". But did this beer live up to the hype? Yup. The best thing about this beer is the complexity brought by the wine like nostril flaring booziness. Somehow this roasty-toasty bevvy gets evened out by the high alcohol content. There. Good. I got through the whole review without a Boney M reference. Done.

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Beer #496 of 3,652

HaandBryggriet Odin's Tipple

2011-06-14T20:04:00.004-05:00

HaandBryggriet Odin's Tipple
Type of beer: Imperial Stout
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 11.00%
Country of origin: Denmark
Rating: 84% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.haandbryggeriet.net/
Best for: Polling the electorate
Ratings:
Taste: 17/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 9/10
Satisfaction: 10/10
Complexity: 9/10
Intangible: 9/10

Handwritten notes: I am writing this prior to sipping, It poured like zombie blood with a fizz-less moan like a tortured soul. Alright, let's see what a $10 beer tastes like...

Zombie blood. Thick, dark, soulless alcohol swimming in a french-press coffee brine. I would hate to be future Bard right now. The ABV is not overpowering, but omnipresent. Omnipotent even. I've never had a beer with this texture before. It begs to be sipped slowly, the port of beers. Gosh almighty. Great Caesar's Ghost! Oh... I mean BY ODIN'S BEARD!

...I'm writing this the next day. After 3/4 of this beer I gently folded my hands over my chest and closed my eyes. And woke up 2 hours later.

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Beer #495 of 3,652

Samuel Adams Cream Stout

2011-06-12T21:12:00.002-05:00

Samuel Adams Cream Stout
Type of beer: Stout
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 69% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.samueladams.com
Best for: sleeping one off
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a surprisingly non-thick stout. The faint chocolate-milk flavour seems fuller, but less bold than other stouts. That's an odd thing to say, I know. I want to say that this is like a porter but t'aint. It's all stout, but rounder and a bit less abrasive than others. Unfortunately, abrasiveness is what I'm looking for in a stout. Usually.

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Beer #494 of 3,652

Tree Brewing Captivator DoppelBock

2011-06-11T22:38:00.005-05:00

Tree Brewing Captivator DoppelBock
Type of beer: Doppelbock
Container Type: 650 mL
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 71% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Okto mug
website: http://www.treebeer.com/
Best for: inducing a coma
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 13/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: The initial taste is "Halloween candy" and then a bitter pasty mouth finish. A lovely tummy warming feeling. I brought this puppy home and waited patiently for an overcast rainy day. It was the worst 4 days of my life. But here is the rainy overcast night, sweet warm humid breeze flowing over my nostrils. This beer kind of reminds me of the old Nostadamus doppel. Let's not romanticize, though. This is overall a B+ student. But so was I, so let's go get some tacos.

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Beer #493 of 3,652

Lucky Light

2011-06-11T22:26:00.003-05:00

Lucky Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 2% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 23 (I bought a 2-4 and reviewed the last one)
Drank From: Cham-pizzane glass
website: http://www.labatt.com/
Best for: Cutting your toenails
Ratings:
Taste: 0/20
Flavour: 0/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! This beer is a living joke. It's like if you invited Pauly Shore or Weird Al Yankovic to your Thanksgiving dinner. What are you going to do, discuss politics with them? Fuck no, dance for me, clown! Similarly, this beer is simply the liquid punchline to: "what's worse than Lucky Lager?"

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Beer #492 of 3,652

Flying Dog Old Scratch Amber Lager

2011-06-11T22:06:00.004-05:00

Flying Dog Old Scratch Amber Lager
Type of beer: Steam Beer
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 73% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP glass
website: http://flyingdogales.com/
Best for: laying low
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is a straight up punk ass beer. It's a malt bomb (for once) with only a flittering of citrussy hops. This is a real nice spring beer, good for a smoky barbecue day. This actually tastes like what I came to know as "good beer" from my youth (the days when there were no microbreweries in Canada per say, except that you could find the odd Big Rock six-pack for $9.10 - a lot of money at the time). Peace and love, brothers.

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Beer #491 of 3,652

Big Sky Moose Drool Brown Ale

2011-06-11T21:57:00.003-05:00

Big Sky Moose Drool Brown Ale
Type of beer: Brown Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.10%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 75% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Red Man
website: http://www.bigskybrew.com/
Best for: sweating
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a classic brown ale. When I think "brown", this taste comes to mind. It takes you all the way up the smoky stairs to dark beer town, then leaves you outside standing in the rain with a wilted bouquet of flowers in your hand saying "what did I do wrong?". But you're better off for having loved and lost, pal-o. And this is a dern good brown ale.

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Beer #490 of 3,652

Mill St. Stock Ale

2011-06-11T21:44:00.005-05:00

Mill St. Stock Ale
Type of beer: Blonde Ale
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 55% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit Glass
website: http://www.millstreetbrewpub.ca/
Best for: Minding the store
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a fizzy, almost meaningless beer. The only true flavour here is the Canadian malt, somewhere off in the distance like a light beer. I like the idea of Mill St. brewery. I like some of their other stuff. But it feels like this was a tack on to appease some Philistine and give him a way to spend his paycheque and/or welfare cheque. Too bad. I'm only being hard on you because I believe in you, Milly.

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Beer #489 of 3,652

Russell Blood Alley ESB

2011-06-11T14:16:00.004-05:00

Russell Blood Alley ESB
Type of beer: ESB
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 78% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.russellbeer.ca/
Best for: Eating tofu
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: A slightly bitter ESB (the bottle says 50 IBU), leaving a musing of aftertaste of Canadian hops and malt. This is an almost perfect Canadian (decidedly Canadian tasting) ESB. That brown sugar tenderness is there, before and after the hop lovin'. I'm having deja vu. Have I used this phrase before? I love that feeling. I can't remember what I did yesterday, but I feel like I'm remembering shit that never happened. This beer is worth the $6.50 price tag any day, God bless you Russell, whoever you are.

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Beer #488 of 3,652

Widmer Brothers Citra Blonde Summer Brew

2011-06-08T21:48:00.003-05:00

Widmer Brothers Citra Blonde Summer Brew
Type of beer: Blonde Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.30%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 73% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://widmerbrothers.com/
Best for: Rebelling
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Smells kind of like a really good lemon cake. And I hate baked goods. I know that's a fucked thing to say, but it's true. I am not a fan of sweet food. But I am a big fan of this beer. The label reads "satisfyingly sessionable". True dat. I wish I had brought a hell of a lot more than one back from the US and A. There is a soft citrus to this beer, more than some hop-induced hallucination. And, for the summer of 2011 only, I love fruit beer. I don't 3/4 of a fuck if they actually put lemon in this beer. Buy it, drink it, live it... and piss it out, I guess... eventually.

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Beer #487 of 3,652

Upper Canada Dark Ale

2011-06-08T21:24:00.006-05:00

Upper Canada Dark Ale
Type of beer: Brown Ale
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 11
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.uppercanada.com/
Best for: I don't recall...
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This is a dark beer to be fucked with. The thing about Upper Canada is that there is some punch masquerading as craft beer...

**I have to honest with you people. I continued writing but it becomes illegible. Something about chocolate? The perils of my hobby. It is very probable that I fell asleep in my recliner writing this. Another clue is the picture. I almost never pour that much head. Odds are I succumbed to some Bacchanalian obliviousness shortly after taking my first sip.

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Beer #486 of 3,652

Spaten Premium Lager

2011-06-08T21:08:00.002-05:00

Spaten Premium Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 2 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.spatenbraeu.de/
Best for: Eating pretzeled bread
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: Exactly as expected. No more, no less. I had only seen pictures of this beer before, some pictures of Aryan big-bosomed girls swigging 4 litre mugs of this shit at Oktoberfest. Yup, that's it. Dewy grass honeysuckle German lager to the tits. I s'pose Germany was built on this crap and big bosomed dreams of world domination. How's that working out for you? Fucking Krauts, you best recognize. Overall, I would enjoy this beer at Oktoberfest. "On" Oktoberfest? No, "at" Oktoberfest. Yeah, "at".

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Beer #485 of 3,652

Abita Turbodog

2011-06-08T20:50:00.004-05:00

Abita Turbodog
Type of beer: Brown Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.60%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 65% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Ginny glass
website: http://www.abita.com/
Best for: smelling your armpits
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Kind of a tootsie roll flavour... not quite chocolate, but caramelly and chocolate-esque. But there is a kind of tinny bitterness that I'm not sure plays well with the softer cocoa notes. At the very least, this beer is interesting, and a refreshing offering from a micro brewery. I can't wait to see what the industry will be putting out in 8 years. I can't imagine, and I dare not. Remember those old 1950s movies where the great Martian invasion of 1995 happened? And we were all flying around in jet cars and had robot servants? I don't want to fall victim to that unfortunate prognostication. Ah fuck it, I predict a Brussels sprout flavoured beer. Once we see this happen, the apocalypse will surely follow. Forsooth, muthafuckas!!

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Beer #484 of 3,652

Shiner Ruby Redbird

2011-06-07T21:23:00.003-05:00

Shiner Ruby Redbird
Type of beer: Fruit Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.01%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 67% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: Getting real
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 9/10

Handwritten notes: I read the label and chuckled "Beer brewed with Texas Ruby Red Grapefruit juice and ginger". Why the fuck not?? Why not throw some grapefruit in there? Ah... then I tried it. Remember, dear friends, that the new Bard rules this realm. The mix of grapefruit (not IPA grapefruit but a muskier, more genuine grapefruit) plus ginger = shockingly refreshing. God help me, I like this. When I think of the man I was, even yesterday, I want to slap his face. Pompous cunt. Shut up and drink your beer, you jive turkey!!

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Beer #483 of 3,652

Beck's Dark

2011-06-07T21:08:00.003-05:00

Beck's Dark
Type of beer: Dark Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 59% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass that reads "Jennifer 1992"
website: http://www.becksbeer.com
Best for: dunkin' oreos
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10

Intangible: 8/10
Handwritten notes: I was hesitant to try this (not available in Manitoba, bought in the US) for justified reasons. What is this beer trying to prove? This is Beck's (original). There is nothing tangibly different in the taste, flavour, or texture of this beer than original Beck's. Quite disappointing, but overall this beer teaches us all a very valuable lesson. As human beings, our shades may be different, but on the inside we are all the same. We are all German skunk-stink beers that I used to think were the bees knees. Got it? Good.

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Beer #482 of 3,652

PC Pilsener

2011-06-05T21:40:00.004-05:00

PC Pilsener
Type of beer: Canadian Pilsner
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: n/a
Best for: floating on cloud 8.5
Ratings:
Taste: 9/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 4/10

Handwritten notes: Wah! Generic beer... for real, people. This is the PC take on Labatt Blue. Beer Advocate even says it's brewed by Labatt. Then why is it better than Blue? If this were indicative of Canadian Pilsner I would be a little less bitter and frustrated. This has a light and clean taste, ushering in some malty flavours. To be true, it still ain't that good. But if this were the worst Canadian Pilsner ever I would happily tattoo a maple leaf on my arm like some moronic tool with a 53 IQ. The true north, strong and free.

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Beer #481 of 3,652

Busch Light

2011-06-05T21:30:00.003-05:00

Busch Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 10% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: ugh. see below.
Drank From: Ho-maid beer cup
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: living a double life
Ratings:
Taste: 1/20
Flavour: 1/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: Bless me readers, for I have sinned. I buy Busch Light now. Y'know every once and a while, and I keep it on the D-L. But, just hear me out. It isn't pretentious. It isn't me. Yeah, I like to get me some strange once in a while. It just does what it's supposed to do, it fizzes, it's yellow, it's tasteless, and it lessens my pain. If you know, dear readers an reader-ettes, how many Busch Lights I've bought in the past three months, you'd be sick. I know, I know. Don't picture it. Let's just move on, if we can.

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Beer #480 of 3,652

Shiner Smokehaus

2011-06-05T20:59:00.002-05:00

Shiner Smokehaus
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.89%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 66% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: Putting on the Ritz
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Wow, that's unique. The beer is sort of like a bock, and then, just when you say "where dis smoke at?" it hits you, a punch of hickory. I was afraid of a beer that tastes like when I smoke meat... a pervasive smokiness that sticks to your soul and you wake up at 3:00 a.m. smelling it. Nope, not this. It's there, but it's in its place. Nice.

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Beer #479 of 3,652

Raasted Grilløl

2011-06-05T20:49:00.004-05:00

Raasted Grilløl
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Demark
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://raasted-bryghus.dk/
Best for: shopping for wigs
Ratings:
Taste: 14/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a super citrussy beer, lemon zest and lemon pith. I couldn't read the cockamamie language on the bottle so I assumed (looking at the flames on the bottle and the "Grill" in the title that it would be some sort of smoked offering. Danish and English have little in common so grillol could mean perineum for all I know. Turns out it's a unique take on the IPA, more sweet and lemony than I'm used to. Kinda good. No, actually good. Kinda awesome.

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Beer #478 of 3,652

PC Light

2011-06-04T14:15:00.003-05:00

PC Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 11% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: n/a
Best for: logging into your AOL email account
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: This has sort of a gross Canadian pungency floating down a piss-river of light liquid. I respect a beer that goes 100% into what it claims. I don't want a light that leaves a metallic Canadian aftertaste in your throat (like this one). Why, oh why, is there a market for beers with 1% less alcohol? Some mysteries can't be solved, even by Columbo. No, I take that back. Columbo could figure this one out, but he would do so shading his eyes and telling you he couldn't. Brilliant.

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Beer #477 of 3,652

Samuel Adams Blackberry Witbier

2011-06-04T14:00:00.002-05:00

Samuel Adams Blackberry Witbier
Type of beer: White beer
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.50%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 33% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit glass
website: http://www.samueladams.com/
Best for: pruning petunias
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Ironically I have a cold and this tastes like Ny-Quil. Blackberry white. I get it. Was this all for a bit? Was this all in pursuit of some lame joke? This is a sparkly, fruity fellow, mincing around my palate rearranging my furniture and insulting my wardrobe. Heavens to murgatroid!

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Beer #476 of 3,652

Molson M

2011-06-03T22:18:00.002-05:00

Molson M
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 6% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.molsoncoorscanada.com/
Best for: Imitating Don Rickles
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 0/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 0/10

Handwritten notes: Molson "M"! First off, fuck the minimalist 1980's name. "M". Molson "M"! Sounds like some hogshit restaurant where you can't wear track pants. Molson "M"! This beer is like the narc pretending to be a high school student. Get off it, buddy. Molson "M"! How tres chique! I'm going to sip it out of a champagne glass in a heart shaped hot tub snorting coke wearing shutter shades and watching "In Living Color". Molson "M"! Micro carbonated? Wha... why? I actually heard hype about this beer and for half a week there I believed that Molson "got it". Wrong! But the bubbles are smaller. Perfect! I couldn't handle them big bubbles in Molson Dry. Molson "M"!

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Beer #475 of 3,652

Deschutes Black Butte Porter

2011-06-03T22:01:00.003-05:00

Deschutes Black Butte Porter
Type of beer: Porter
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 75% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Ginny glass
website: http://www.deschutesbrewery.com
Best for: Pretending you're Batman
Ratings:
Taste: 16/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: A neat-o Porter, reminding me why I like Porter. It certainly isn't "too much" and therefore it is a Goldilocks beer. (Remember that term. I have just coined it. Every time you use it you MUST pay Pat Riley $17.41). Somehow the lightness of a porter allows more space for the dark beer flavours to roam. On second sip, there is a sort of not-unpleasant woody taste that is omnipresent. You know, you drink over 500 different beers and you begin to become jaded. I say "Oh, another porter. Great." when I should be saying "OH, another Porter!!!! GREAT!!!" I think this beer has revirginized* my taste buds. Well, it's not that dramatic, but it's pretty solid.

*patent pending
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Beer #474 of 3,652

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager

2011-06-03T21:45:00.003-05:00

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 8.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 61% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Goblet
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: losing it
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Listen you... listen you screwheads: here is a man who would not take it anymore. Fuck not liking fruit beers. Fuck hating anything Anheuser Busch makes. Fuck it all. This tastes like one of those fruity wines but the only difference is that this beer has a hidden grainy strength that makes you step back and say "oh. that ain't bad". Far, far above putting fruit flavouring in a wheatie and calling it novel. I wish all fruit beer were like this. Listen, we need to talk. I know you're used to me not liking fruit beers and mega companies. I know. But... things change, people change. What? Well, frig you then. One day a real fruit beer rain will come and wash all the trash off the sidewalk.

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Beer #473 of 3,652

Russell Lemon Ale

2011-06-03T21:32:00.003-05:00

Russell Lemon Ale
Type of beer: Fruit Ale
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 39% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 4th (today)
Drank From: Mug
website: http://www.russellbeer.ca/
Best for: pouting
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: I've had a lot of fruit beers. This one is exactly as expected. It calls itself a "Wheat Ale" but I don't know about that. Tastes very fresh and light, and honey-lemony. It was a warm as fuck day today and they were giving samples of this away at the vendor. By "they" I mean a pathetically persistent middle-aged man watching hoser after hoser buy cases of Labatt Blue. He told me "it just came in yesterday!" I thought, what the hell? It's actually a yard and a half better than macro crap I could be drinking right now. Plus those dudes giving samples at the vendor are always so grateful when you buy the product. I want that guy to be tucking himself into bed tonight and saying "today was a good day". Here I go, on a fruit beer kick. Heraclitus, you were right, all things are in flux, including my taste buds. Too bad you had to have "clit" right there in he middle of your name.

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Beer #472 of 3,652

Lucky Bucket IPA

2011-06-02T22:06:00.003-05:00

Lucky Bucket IPA
Type of beer: IPA
Container Type: 12 oz. bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.30%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 64% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.luckybucketbrewing.com/
Best for: Putting
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 6/10

Handwritten notes: A-hem. Standard. I've had so many beers just like this I can't even begin to create a novel description. American IPA. I... can't... form review... or reach... Bat... belt. God Bless you Adam West. And the rapist who played Robin, what's his name... Burt Ward. Did you know he was convicted of six counts of raping a giraffe? Is that true? Well, this is the Internet, and I'm half pissed and admittedly making shit up, so I'm more credible than most of the pricks posting shit on blogs right now. Where was I... oh yeah. GRAPE-FRUIT. Feck.

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Beer #471 of 3,652

Bud Light Golden Wheat

2011-06-02T21:50:00.003-05:00

Bud Light Golden Wheat
Type of beer: White Beer
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.10%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 29% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: Winter. Bigtime.
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: What do I compare this to? Blue Moon? Rickard's White? I will tell you this: were it not for this project I would not ever, under any circumstances buy a white/wit beer. I'm sure in 3 years I'll change my tune. For now, this tastes like rotten sunflower seeds. It's great for a barbecue. Yeah... woo. I'd rather drink an Imperial Stout on a 35C day next to a blazing barbecue than this "refreshing" style. As far as white beers go, though, it's par.

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Beer #470 of 3,652

Michelob Golden Light

2011-06-01T21:42:00.002-05:00

Michelob Golden Light
Type of beer: Light Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.10%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 4% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 5
Drank From: Big Rock Glass
website: http://www.anheuser-busch.com/s/
Best for: illin'
Ratings:
Taste: 1/20
Flavour: 1/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 0/10
Satisfaction: 0/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: What's with these crappy looking ribbed bottles? What's with this crappy beer? One time a dude I met tailgating in Minnesota with the unfortunate nickname "dickhead" told me that Michelob Golden draft was the best beer ever. Being just then 21 I bought it and didn't know any better. Also, what's the deal with Michelob? Is it... premium? And... why? Damn, this beer makes me do nothing but ask questions for which there can be no answer. I need to take a class on marketing.

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Beer #469 of 3,652

Red Racer ESB

2011-05-31T20:57:00.004-05:00

Red Racer ESB
Type of beer: ESB
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.60%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 74% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.centralcitybrewing.com/
Best for: giving a care
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: I still don't know what ESB means. Extra Special/Strong Bitter or early spring beer? To me it's just a grapefruit express. It's still amazing to me that the evolution of craft beer took so long to hit hoser shores. Still, hooray for progress, woo. It's hard to believe this beer comes from some little brewpub in BC. That's just amazing, and takes me back to some past-life 1700s township where every pub brewed its own beer. I long for the days when I'd be considered an old man at 33.

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Beer #468 of 3,652

Landshark Lager

2011-05-30T21:59:00.002-05:00

Landshark Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.70%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bit Glass
website: http://www.landsharklager.com
Best for: grillin' shit!!
Ratings:
Taste: 7/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 5/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I don't even care about the G.D. back story to this beer. I just assume that it has something to do with Jimmy Buffet and it is gay. I sit near the barbecue, glass of Land Shark by my side. A single steady stream of bubbles flit to the surface of the glass from a deep deposit of carbonation. Land Shark... Land Shark?? (I say mimicking the old Flin Flon Canadian vignette). There's something slightly different about this beer, stemming from some sort of honey taste. This could be a Sleeman's product, honey brown or something. Still not the best thing I've ever forced through my kidneys...

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Beer #467of 3,652

Abita Purple Haze

2011-05-30T21:31:00.004-05:00

Abita Purple Haze
Type of beer: Hefe-Weizen
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.20%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 40% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: glass
website: www.abita.com
Best for: sleeping late
Ratings:
Taste: 6/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 6/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: 'scuse me while I drink this guy!! I do love raspberries in real life and I have an equal "dis-love" for fruit beers. Are these for girls? I don't get the market. Anyhoo, I was wondering what the heck purple has to do with raspberry. However, the raspberry taste is quite faint and (I can't believe I'm saying this) actually tastes purple. One time in my first year of University I was in a class called "enjoyment of music" and the teacher would play a record (yes, an actual LP) then, at the end of the song ask the class if they had any "colour sensations" listening to it. How the fuck does Bach sound orange? I quit the class after 2 weeks, as I did not begin smoking marijuana until a year later. Even so.

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Beer #466 of 3,652

Shiner Blonde

2011-05-29T15:22:00.003-05:00

Shiner Blonde
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.40%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 49% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Red Man mug
website: http://www.shiner.com/
Best for: stepping on people's toes
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 10/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 5/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: A light and fizzy piece o' work. It has subdued wheaty flavour, but nothing slaps you in the face. It would be good as a thirst quencher, but for the price I'd rather slam 6 cheap beers to quench my thirst/blood lust. However, this beer is not half bad. But I'm an optimist. A pessimist may just say that it's not half good.

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Beer #465 of 3,652

Redhook Slim Chance

2011-05-29T15:13:00.003-05:00

Redhook Slim Chance
Type of beer: Light Ale
Container Type: 12 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 3.90%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 66% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Aff glass
website: http://www.redhook.com/
Best for: shedding unsightly inches
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This may be the first light beer I've ever had that actually doesn't taste like back sweat. Slim Chance is a sweet and citrussy hopped beer - a lemon grapefruit and mandarin salad. The flavour is not so much light a white beer, but bearing some of those delicate qualities. Very light and pleasant, like a kiss from a stranger.

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Beer #464 of 3,652

Great Western Original 16

2011-05-29T15:01:00.003-05:00

Great Western Original 16
Type of beer: Pale Ale
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00 %
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 18% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 3
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.greatwesternbrewing.com/
Best for: climbing trees
Ratings:
Taste: 5/20
Flavour: 6/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: This beer is the answer to that shitty Molson "micro carbonated" beer (review to follow). Oh, did you say micro-brewed? No, micro carbonated. This is a flat (literally and figuratively) lifeless offering. I fucking love it when companies create products that there is no marketplace demand for. I just sit back in my lawn chair, hands folded delicately on my lap, smiling and waiting. Bring back clear Pepsi, though, that was a great idea.

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Beer #463 of 3,652

Steam Whistle Pilsner

2011-05-29T14:51:00.002-05:00

Steam Whistle Pilsner
Type of beer: Pilsner
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 50% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 11
Drank From: Flower vase
website: http://www.steamwhistle.ca/
Best for: Grown-up get-togethers
Ratings:
Taste: 12/20
Flavour: 11/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: First things first, this is a Canadian Pilsner. I was, however, surprised that the elements of a Canadian macro-Pilsner were subdued (metallic manufactured taste, dusty, flat hops, lingering taint of bleach). The beer came in the coolest box ever. See their website for how proud they are of their packaging: http://www.steamwhistle.ca/ourbeer/ourpackaging.php . Really, though given the choice between this and a Labatt Blue or a crack in the jaw, I'd take this. G'wan, give it a rip.

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Beer #462 of 3,652

Otro Mundo Strong Red Ale

2011-05-29T14:34:00.002-05:00

Otro Mundo Strong Red Ale
Type of beer: Red Ale
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.50%
Country of origin: Argentina
Rating: 66% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://otromundo.com/
Best for: 7:34 p.m.
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 12/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This Ale is syrupy as fuck, like a maple syrup punch in the pancreas. There is a sort of manufactured taste that makes me wish this were a Canadian mega-brewery product. But it's not. It's made in Argentina, home of Hitler... also I think Elvis lives there. And Michael Jackson. Him too. No one finds you in Argentina. No one.

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Beer #461 of 3,652

Russell Wee Angry Scotch Ale

2011-05-29T14:21:00.003-05:00

Russell Wee Angry Scotch Ale
Type of beer: Scotch Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.50%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 81% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: GW Glass
website: http://www.russellbeer.ca/
Best for: succumbing to injury
Ratings:
Taste: 15/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 17/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Scotch ale is fast becoming a favourite style of mine. This is a "roasted, more porter than not but fuck it it works" Scotch Ale. The elements of classic Scotch ale are these, tucked beneath the hard porter rain. It's really quite unique and unexpected. It's a surprise party in your mouth. Have you ever been invited to a surprise party? Not me. I don't even think they really exist outside of 1980s sit-coms. Also, is brunch a real thing? Huh.

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Beer #460 of 3,652

Rickard's Dark

2011-05-29T13:56:00.002-05:00

Rickard's Dark
Type of beer: Porter
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 36% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.rickards.ca/
Best for: packing
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 7/20
Buy again: 7/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: The label says this beer is brewed with maple syrup. I guess that puts it ahead of Keith's dark in the "mini macro" dark beer race. This is a chocolaty porter without much fuss. It has less of the generic "dark beer" taste and more of a scotch ale quality, likely due to the maple syrup. Worth a shot, but don't buy more than one.

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Beer #459 of 3,652

Great Lakes Winter Ale 2010

2011-05-29T13:42:00.004-05:00

Great Lakes Winter Ale 2010
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 750 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.20%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 27% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass (after removal of candy canes)
website: http://www.greatlakesbeer.com/
Best for: Playing Trivial Pursuit by yourself
Ratings:
Taste: 5/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 1/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 6/10
Complexity: 5/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: Tastes like winter. Why? When I was a kid, Christmas was the only time all the boys got on tight-fitting itchy sweaters and wool pants and slapped on dad's cologne. Only dad didn't wear cologne. He just has that shit someone gave him as a gift for Christmas in 1975. Hai Karate, or some bottle shaped like a Roman column. It was rancid for sure, but we wore it. Do you smell that? Rancid cologne, pine needles, and sweat-soaked wool? That's what this beer tastes like. Sound good? Nah.

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Beer #458 of 3,652

Alexander Keith's Dark Ale

2011-05-28T21:46:00.002-05:00

Alexander Keith's Dark Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.10%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 23% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.keiths.ca/index.html
Best for: Starting fights
Ratings:
Taste: 5/20
Flavour: 5/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Liar! You filthy-mouthed rapscallion. This has a smattering of dark beer roast then... pfft! Turlet water. Stick to your violent perversion of the name "India Pale Ale", you Caligula-emulating freaks. I'm not sure why I'm so upset... I was just really in the mood for a dark beer. Sorry, Alex. But watch your step, bro. Watch your step.

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Beer #457 of 3,652

Yankee Jim Genuine Draft

2011-05-28T21:27:00.002-05:00

Yankee Jim Genuine Draft
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 355 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 9% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 5
Drank From: Bit Glass
website: n/a
Best for: creepin' while you sleepin'
Ratings:
Taste: 2/20
Flavour: 2/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 1/10
Complexity: 0/10
Intangible: 0/10

Handwritten notes: For some reason I have a morbid fascination with how generic products try and emulate "big time" brands. Most of their business is made from fucking idiots who drive home, and are unpacking their minivan and realize "shit! I bought Dr. Skipper again!!" This is not MGD. It is a ball sack full of yuck. Glagh!

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Beer #456 of 3,652

Foster's Lager

2011-05-28T21:13:00.004-05:00

Foster's Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 750 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Australia
Rating: 18% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6 or so
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.fostersgroup.com/
Best for: Watching any movie with Tom Selleck...
Ratings:
Taste: 4/20
Flavour: 3/20
Buy again: 3/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 1/10

Handwritten notes: Apparently Foster's is Australian for beer. But any scoundrel-blooded Australian will tell you this beer is crap. It kind of sticks to the roof and sides of your mouth like an alcoholic peanut butter sandwich. You almost need a club soda chaser just to cleanse your palate. Listen, I never met an Aussie who was not a complete pretentious jackass. "Look at me, I'm Au-stray-lein I'm gonna steal yer girlfriend, mate". Pricks. But I can't saddle them with the responsibility for this yellow cesspool hog urine. On another note: I FUCKING LOVE MEN AT WORK. Really, I do.

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Beer #455 of 3,652

Great Lakes Orange Peel Ale

2011-05-28T15:48:00.004-05:00

Great Lakes Orange Peel Ale
Type of beer: Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.30 %
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 71% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.greatlakesbeer.com/
Best for: Facing the truth
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 16/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: Whaaaaaaa?? This beer may have been in my fridge longer than any beer before, or any after it. Each time I looked at it I felt dread, knowing that one day I would have to open and ingest it. The image of some sickly sweet Terry's Chocolate orange from hell kept entering my mind. But, dad-gum it if it's not one of the best damn fruit beers I've ever had. It has a noticeably bitter bite with a present, but not oppressive hint of mandarin oranges. Honestly, a lot of IPAs taste more like fruit than this does. It actually works. The lesson is: never put off until tomorrow what you can drink today.

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Beer #454 of 3,652

Wernesgrüner

2011-05-28T15:35:00.005-05:00

Wernesgrüner
Type of beer: Pilsner
Container Type: 500 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.90%
Country of origin: Germany
Rating: 53% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.wernesgruener.de/#/altersabfrage
Best for: lizard watching
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 14/20
Aroma: 4/10
Satisfaction: 5/10
Complexity: 3/10
Intangible: 4/10

Handwritten notes: First of all, I love words that I can practice my bad German accent with. Ver-niss-groo-nerr?? Delightful. This has a crisp and decidedly European honeysuckle hoppiness. The taste lingers medicinally, like some grainy tincture. Overall, it's a bit ho-hum.

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Beer #453 of 3,652

Lost Coast 8 Ball Stout

2011-05-28T15:08:00.002-05:00

Lost Coast 8 Ball Stout
Type of beer: Oatmeal Stout
Container Type: 1 pint 6 oz bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.80 %
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 60% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.lostcoast.com/
Best for: scratching
Ratings:
Taste: 11/20
Flavour: 12/20
Buy again: 10/20
Aroma: 6/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a standard, good stout. If you have a beer blog you ought to avoid the word "good" in describing beers. Instead use phrases like "tastes like twelve tiny angels braiding my nipple hair on roller skates". Well that can't really be said about this beer, but it's a more chocolate than coffee stout with a bitterness disappearing down your throat like blood stains down your bathtub drain. Or something like that.

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Beer #452 of 3,652

Inveralmond Blackfriar

2011-05-28T14:50:00.002-05:00

Inveralmond Blackfriar
Type of beer: Scottish Ale
Container Type: 500 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 7.00%
Country of origin: Scotland
Rating: 70% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.inveralmond-brewery.co.uk/
Best for: learning about giraffes
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 9/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Not bad. Not super-d-duper but head and shoulders above the usual swill I've been drinking. What does that mean, "head and shoulders"? Oh, I get it. I love analogies that are self explanatory. This is not really the classic Scottish Ale, it has a syrupy citrus bite. Weird. Like a candied orange or a lemon cake.

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Beer #451 of 3,652

Brick Red Baron

2011-05-28T14:10:00.002-05:00

Brick Red Baron
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 4.80%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 23% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.brickbeer.com/
Best for: clamming
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 5/20
Buy again: 8/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 1/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: This is an almost tasteless lager with only a sweet and sour kiss at the end. It's different from other standard macros, but just a bit. Brick makes some other, interesting stuff, but I kind of think this one was made to fill the need of the half-sloshed, sunburned, pink tank-top wearing 40 year old man who insists "I don't want no pussy beer!". Here, try this Red Baron. Now get back in your truck, drive drunk back home, and forcibly "make sex" on your common law partner.

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Beer #450 of 3,652

Cannery Brewing Squire Scotch Ale

2011-05-28T13:55:00.003-05:00

Cannery Brewing Squire Scotch Ale
Type of beer: Scotch Ale
Container Type: 650 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.50%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 75% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Bears
website: http://www.cannerybrewing.com/
Best for: flipping flapjacks
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 16/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 8/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 8/10

Handwritten notes: This is so caramelly I feel like I'm drinking a butterscotch float. I know that doesn't necessarily sound appealing from a beer, but trust me. This beer will shower you with its crazy brown sugar molasses love. So bring a damp towel and a change of clothes.

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Beer #449 of 3,652

Creemore Springs Premium Lager

2011-05-28T13:36:00.005-05:00

Creemore Springs Premium Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 473 mL can
Alcohol by volume: 5.00%
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 73% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.creemoresprings.com/
Best for: waiting for the bus
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 14/20
Buy again: 17/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 7/10
Complexity: 8/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: This is a surprisingly not unpleasant pineapple lager with a biter citrus finish. What makes it a little better than most GF beers is that there is a presence of grain in the taste... not exactly balanced, but at least it's there. Who said nothing good ever comes from Ontario? Well, I did, but this beer is good.

It is my continuing duty in these posts to offend the patriotism and loyalties of as many groups of people as I can. Welcome ot the club, Ontarians. Take a seat next to the Portuguese, Germans, British, Japanese, Manitobans (generally) Winnipeggers (specifically), Canadians (as a whole), Americans (as a whole), North Dakotans, the Irish, Beer snobs, Beer Bloggers, men with moustaches, smelly hippies, squares, the police (generally), people from India, women, dog owners... (I could go on, but I won't).

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Beer #448 of 3,652

Harviestoun Old Engine Oil

2011-05-28T13:25:00.002-05:00

Harviestoun Old Engine Oil
Type of beer: Porter
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 6.00%
Country of origin: Scotland
Rating: 72% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.harviestoun.com/
Best for: Watching a docu-drama
Ratings:
Taste: 13/20
Flavour: 15/20
Buy again: 15/20
Aroma: 7/10
Satisfaction: 8/10
Complexity: 7/10
Intangible: 7/10

Handwritten notes: Another Harviestoun offering - not as complex as the Ola Dubh but a fine stand in for those of you on a budget who can only afford $4 per beer instead of $6. The fact that this beer is a bit lighter compared to "Ola" makes the chocolate notes a bit more creamier, milkier. Perhaps the name had me prejudicially turning up my nose - I figured this would be a thick bitter brew. Not so.

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Beer #447 of 3,652

Taj Mahal Premium Lager

2011-05-28T13:08:00.004-05:00

Taj Mahal Premium Lager
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 330 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 4.50%
Country of origin: India
Rating: 29% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 1st
Drank From: Glass
website: n/a
Best for: Fixin' up some pastel mush
Ratings:
Taste: 6/20
Flavour: 5/20
Buy again: 4/20
Aroma: 2/10
Satisfaction: 4/10
Complexity: 6/10
Intangible: 2/10

Handwritten notes: Once upon a time (about 4 years ago) I was obsessed with Indian culture. I cooked and ate the food, I listened to the music, and I watched the Indian programs on Saturday morning (their commercials are f-ing hilarious by the way). I wanted desperately to find and purchase one of those "long shirts" that they wear - the ones that go down to your knees. I wanted to change my name to "Brajeep". People, I wouldn't make this up. But this beer made me say (in the most stereotypical accent): "no no no no no no no!". There's something immediately offensive in this. If it were a standard Canadian macro I'd probably buy it once in a while, just for a bit of a change. But worth the $2.50 I paid for it? No no no no no no no!!

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Beer #446 of 3,652

Heileman's Old Style

2011-05-27T15:06:00.003-05:00

Heileman's Old Style
Type of beer: Lager
Container Type: 16 oz can
Alcohol by volume: 4.72%
Country of origin: United States
Rating: 44% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 5
Drank From: HP Glass
website: http://www.pabstbrewingco.com/portfolio/
Best for: Some sort of 1970's party
Ratings:
Taste: 10/20
Flavour: 8/20
Buy again: 13/20
Aroma: 3/10
Satisfaction: 3/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 5/10

Handwritten notes: For a kid who grew up smack-ass-dab in the middle of Canada, I have no idea how I got the Heileman's song in my head. "Heileman's--Old-Style. Heileman's Old Style Lager Beer". Dudes and dudettes, peep this shit out:

You're welcome.
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Beer #445 of 3,652

James Ready 5.5

2011-05-27T14:46:00.003-05:00

James Ready 5.5
Type of beer: Blonde Ale
Container Type: 341 mL bottle
Alcohol by volume: 5.5% (oddly enough)
Country of origin: Canada
Rating: 17% (see below)
Number of times I've had this beer: 6
Drank From: Glass
website: http://www.jamesready.com/
Best for: Loving the one you're with
Ratings:
Taste: 3/20
Flavour: 4/20
Buy again: 2/20
Aroma: 1/10
Satisfaction: 2/10
Complexity: 2/10
Intangible: 3/10

Handwritten notes: I'm not sure if their website is hilarious on purpose, or by accident. Beer Advocate says that this is brewed by Moosehead, which I can't figure out. This is a fruit-mold tasting standard Canadian macro-pacro. You can almost feel the fruit flies starting to swarm as you pour it. What's the deal with fruit flies anyways? I'd like to make a pitch that they are the cutest and least offensive of all household pests. Really, they're quite helpful. You see those little buggers flying around and realize "oop! Time to throw out the tomato rotting on my counter!". Thank you, noble and under appreciated fruit fly.

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Beer #444 of 3,652